After 10 years...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2007
After 10 years...
2
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 8:34pm
Hi! I saw a blog that was entitled "After 20 years" but I couldn't find the original message. However, based on the responses, I can only assume that it is one about someone who has been in a marriage for 20 years and the spouse cheated.
I'm not sure what lead me to this site but I'm here and unfortunately with the same broken heart as that person who posted that discussion. I decided to post because I just don't have anyone to vent to. Of all the people in my life I have always been the one that people run to for advise and I couldn't possibly show my weakness.
Frankly, I am tired of crying and distrusting. I recently found that my boyfriend of 10 years signed a membership with Match.com and also found an actual chat between him and a lady which says he was going to meet up with her at this bar. She even gave her number. I don't know how long ago this was but it certainly isn't before we got together. I haven't told him I founf this and I have just been acting so depressed since. He notices how sad I have been lately and we actually had a conversation and I had implied that I assumed he was ceating on me and of course he denied it. I told him to let me go and he refuses because he claims he loves me so much and that he wasn't cheating on me. I didn't want to mention what I had found because I didn't want him to know that I went through his things. Unfortunately his words gave me no comfort especially when he comes home after 10pm. My mind simply going crazy and my heart has been beating so fast lastly because it just feel so broken.
To be honest, I would realy want to get through this... I keep telling myself I will not go down without a fight. 10 years is a long investment and we do love each other. I suppose he just don't love me enough to be faithful. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel dumb for giving him another chance but I feel broken everytime I think of leaving.
Last night as was acting sad again and I think he is getting fed up so perhaps I should mention what I had discovered and he can fess up. Am I just being stupid?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 08-07-2007 - 6:09pm

Hi live_love_laugh_76,


Here's the 'After 20 Years' post:


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlrelationsh/?msg=29077.1


You are not stupid. He's betrayed you by signing up, chatting and getting a number. In my book that is cheating and certianly not the behavior of someone in a committed relationship.


I think the only way you can move forward is to be open and honest with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2007
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 3:24pm
Thank you for your reply and for sending me that posting. Just to give you an update, I did spoke to him about the correspondence that I found. I am so glad that I did because I had found out that he was helping his boss look for a girlfriend at that time and the lady is actually now married to his boss. Silly, huh! But one thing I realize is to not hold back. It is always better (and better for you emotionally) to discuss issues early on rather than keeping it to yourself just to develop some resentment. I was being so mad for no reason--I was hurting myself. He did explain why he has his phone off all day and that his boss had purchased a separate cellphone for him (company use). As to working late everyday, he was trying to hold on to 3 jobs--as to why who knows! I suppose I do know is that men do put so much emphasis on their career. I did tell him that if he is so busy with work, then maybe he is too be to hold on to a relationship and to let me go because I deserve someone who will take the time at least once a week. He of course apologize and promised to make things better--for himself and me. He has been taking sundays off to spend it with me; he hasn't been turning his computer on when he gets home--instead, watches TV or plays video games with me. It has been a much better development and thank you for that supportive message. Have a great day!