Aftermath of wrong accusing-Dr & Members

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
Aftermath of wrong accusing-Dr & Members
5
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 12:57pm
I am uncomfortable with my husband's relationship with another woman. He met her in his online class and met her in person while on business for three weeks out of town about 9 months ago. They are still in the same online classes and talk every day. She has recently talked about coming to see him. She knows he is married (at least now). I don't need opinions on is he a cheater/ isn't he a cheater. I am letting him know that after classes are over in two months, I don't want him to speak to her anymore because I think they had sex and even if they didn't I still don't like her because of her bold requests of a married man. My question is this. What are the problems that arise after he is confronted and it turns out he didn't cheat? What happens to our relationship, what starts running through his mind, what happens to our trust, etc?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 1:12pm

Hi giginola and welcome to the board,


My thinking on this is regardless of whether he had an affair or not he is going to deny it. Most people deny having had an affair until they are faced with solid proof of the fact. If you are willing to work on the marriage regardless of if he had an affair, I would recommend marriage counseling to help you deal with the issues that will/have arisen from this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 1:16pm

Hi giginola and welcome to the board.


Since you already feel he did sleep with her, the trust is gone. For you to trust again would take a lot of effort on his part and possibly counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 2:08pm

>>>what happens to our trust<<<

There is no "OUR" trust right now. Waiting two months for him to carry on as he has been isn't going to improve that! Worrying about what will happen to "our" trust is pointless since there is no such thing right now.








In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away

-shing xiong

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 2:54pm
Just because the guy didn't cheat on you doesn't mean you don't have a right to be uncomfortable, or uneasy. Talk to your husband about that, instead of accusing him of cheating. Tell him why you are concerned. You have a right to your feelings and you aren't unreasonable. It is a bit strange this woman wants to waste her time coming to visit a married man. Ask your husband about that. I would be very uncomfortable with that. I would probably insist on meeting this woman if she comes to town. She's her own person, nothing can stop her. But hopefully your husband isn't encouraging her. Hopefully he isn't leading this woman to believe the two of them can have something romantic between them. Ask him. You have a right to these questions, since it's such a bizarre thing. Most married people don't have single people following them around the country. If your husband gives you all the answers you were hoping to hear and this woman still comes to your town, I would meet up with her and tell her to leave the two of you alone. Maybe you and your husband can do that together with this woman. Friendship between people of the opposite sex isn't a big deal, but when one person shows interest in the other, it needs to stop being a friendship, because there is a spouse who could end up getting hurt, and mistrust will develop. Once mistrust is there it's hard to get rid of. Tell your husband of your concerns. Tell him your uncomfortable with him even speaking to this woman since she's made it clear she's interested in him. If some guy was tailing you, how would your husband feel? I hope after you speak with him he will accomodate your needs. You should come first and it should not be an issue with him. If he feels this friendship with this woman is so important, that he can risk his marriage, the two of you need counceling. I hope it doesn't turn to that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 4:11pm

'I think they had sex'

Then there is no trust. You don't trust him or her. You know that they are still speaking and planning on seeing each other. In my opinion there is nothing left to your relaitoship if there is no trust.