All the advice I can get will help...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
All the advice I can get will help...
5
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 3:06pm
I need all the help I can get on this one. My girlfriend broke up with me last night, and I'm devestated. We have only been going out for three months, but never had a dissagreemant, or a fight. Everything was happy as can be. I always compliment her, and tell her she's beautifull. We loved seeing each other as often as we could (which meant once or twice during the week, and on the weekend).

She came over to my house last night, and said she didn't see the relationship going anywhere as of a couple of days ago when she saw a red flag in me. I have no idea what I may have done. She told me that up until two days ago she could see us going all the way.

I wrote her a letter telling her how much I cared for her, and that I would do anything possible to help mend what I may have done.I dropped it off with her roommate today, and hopefully she will have a chance to read it tonight.

Any help anybody can offer me would be greatly appreciated. I don't want to crowd her, but I still want her to know how much I care for her.

Thanks,

Chris

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 3:23pm
Did she tell you what the "red flag" was? Try to think back and see if you did anything unusal. If she won't tell you what you did, that means she is either childish or making an excuse. I don't understand what the big deal was that she can't tell you the truth. But, if she's just immature maybe it's better you found out sooner than later.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 3:33pm
Thank you for your input. The only thing I can think of was that I may have been short with her while making a CD for a road trip we had going on Wednesday. There was nothing mentioned about it thought, and it wasn't as if I raised my voice or something like that. Her best friend told me that she had been in a rocky relationship where her ex had actually stalked her. She told me this when we had just started going out. I have never raised my voice or made her feel unwanted to knowledge.

Do you think she could be scared of something I may have brought up from her past?

Do you think the letter was a good idea. I truely want her to know how much I care for her, and that I will be there for her.

Thanks,

Chris

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 4:39pm
It's could be possible that she's scared of things going to far too fast. Where you two friends before you started dating? It could be that she's worried about getting hurt again or maybe just not yet ready for a serious relationship. She may still be working out issues from the past relationship, scared that the same thing will happen again. Try to be patient with her, it sounds like she's still recovering. And most importantly, realize that this isn't your fault, it sounds as if she's the one causing problems. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 4:51pm
You were probably too nice to her. Have you heard the phrase, "Good guys finish last"? She may want someone who is not jocking her all of the time. What I would do is leave her alone. I would not communicate with her at all. She may call you and wonder why you haven't called or something. I am telling you this because I do that. If a guy is jocking me all of the time, I start to believe that I am out of his league and I can do better, then when he does not call, I call him and wonder why he has not called.

It is sad because you are playing games, but I really believe that is how most people are. AFTER she falls for you, you can be yourself.

She is not the only girl in this world.. I hope this helped, even though it may not have been what you wanted to hear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 5:36pm

Unfortunatley, if she doesnt tell you whats broke, how can you fix it?


Sometimes we dont have the same goals, motivations, beleifs...whatever.Try not too take it personnaly.A red flag can mean anything- it coulda been her. If she isnt giving you the respoect of at least telling you what went wrong, I wouldnt bother fishing for it.


Take it as you will, and move one.I know it doesnt sound easy rightnow, but it will get better.

cl-marsexpert