Is All Contact With Him Really Over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Is All Contact With Him Really Over?
2
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 9:44am
Ok, I have been dating this guy for about 4 months. We didn't see eachother that often and we became intimate really fast and had sex not too far in after we met. I really liked him and felt it was right. Well towards the end he started to call less but always called me back and told me he would get together with me and he usually would. Well the last time I seen him I thought about a few things that may have went wrong. First off I never offered to pay when we went out, and that's not like me. I always offer but with this guy I never did and I liked him more than any other guy I went out with. Then I started to back off and not show I was as interested, I was being very casual. He was always the not so serious type, or as he seemed. I remember him saying something about liking independant women which I never really showed I was around him. We also didn't really discuss our feeling towards eachother either. He has been unemployed for quite a while now and is also having a hard time paying the rent.

So I went away a few days after I last seen him and was away for 3 weeks. I called him a few times while I was away as he did with me when he went away at one time during our dating, but he never returned my calls while I was away. I called about 3 times and one time when I did call he answered and told me he would call back and then he never did. I had asked him while I was away on a voice mail of his to come out with me and my friends for my birthday. He didn't call until a few days after I got back and on the day I'm supposed to go out for my birthday he called me and told me that he may not be able to make it and that he wanted to call me either way. So he didn't show up, didn't even say happy birthday. So I didn't call him after that. A week went by and then I get a call late at night and I didn't get to answer so he leaves a message telling me that he was sorry that he hasn't been returning my calls. He said that he has a lot going on in his life right now, then he says there's a good chance he might be leaving the state, he said he doesn't know but he might. Then he says, "So I cant (and stumbles nervously after sounding happy and calm at the first of the voice mail), I can't get, I can't, it's hard for me to focaus on a relationship right now." Then he says, "I don't know, but if you want to talk you can give me a call". Then he says, "ok, talk to you later, bye". That's it. So I call 2 days later and he ignores my call and I don't leave a message either. So I call an hour later and he shuts off his phone when it rings so I leave a message telling him it's ok, not to be sorry for not calling, and not to worry about a relationship and that I didn't think he had to focus on it or that there was even one. I also told him I hoped everything worked out for the best for him. I told him if he wanted to call me anytime he could, and I said that I'd talk to him later and then said bye. Then I called back on another phone with a different number like 20 minutes later and his phone is on again and he answers, so I hang up right away without saying anything all mad that he was really ignoring me. So then I call back a few hours later from the phone I always call him with again and he doesn't answer after it rings, so he must be screening his calls because he has caller ID. So he must be ignoring me. What do you think? Is it over? Is he really still interested but confused? Did I say the wrong things? What can I do to atleast not lose him for good? Is there anything I can say or do? I know he might move too so I would like to keep in touch with him. Am I too blind to see that he doesn't want to be bothered or is there a chance I can save this to atleast be friends or maybe more? Sorry if this was so long, I'm just feeling really hurt right now. And I never really called as much as I did in one day like that. Thanks for listening, any advice would be appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 3:56pm
Time to let go and stop calling. If he was interested in continuing the relationship, he's be calling you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 4:31pm
Please stop calling him. He isn't making the effort and do you really want to date someone where you have to do all of the calling and asking out?

Also, don't take total responsibility (not paying for dinner or acting independent enough)for the end of the relationship or you will drive yourself crazy trying to be someone that you are not with every guy. Be yourself and don't worry about playing games.