Is this all just me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2007
Is this all just me?
8
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 12:46pm

I've been with my b/friend for 4 years, and living with him for 7 months. I am 26, he is 24. A year ago we briefly broke up because I was feeling unappreciated and unloved and eventually started dating someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 12:55pm

"when I'm with my b/friend I feel worthless, ugly, and fat and I feel like this is the best I will ever do because I don't deserve anything better."

"I don't know if all of this is being caused by my horrible self-esteem"
YES. Your self-esteem belongs to you. Other people may affect it, but unless he's calling you fat or ugly or worthless, then that's YOU talking to yourself. Your self-esteem is a huge problem for you, and it's important that you work on it so that no matter who you are with, or whether you are single, you can feel good about yourself without having to depend on another person's opinion.

I've also been dating someone for 4 years and we've lived together over a year. He still tells me how cute he thinks I am, helps me out with dishes and garbage, and thanks me for all that I do for him. It's so easy to be an appreciative, loving person - it hurts me that your boyfriend won't be that for you. You deserve it. It's not fair that your boyfriend is pinning all of this on your self-esteem, I think he's shifting blame.

When you say everyone else thinks it's a bad situation, who is everyone else? Do they know him?

I'm getting the feeling that you should have made your breakup permanent, it clearly wasn't enough to make him appreciate you permanently.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 1:30pm

Welcome to the board amanda23170,


The self-esteem is you, but the rest is not all you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 2:30pm

"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 7:23pm
I'm curious as to why you think you were 'wrong' to date someone after you broke up with your boyfriend? What else were you supposed to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2007
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 9:58am
because my boyfriend said that it is considered cheating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2007
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 10:00am
yes, everyone else that says its a bad situation, they do know him...all of these people were there for the first breakup.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2007
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 10:06am

Thankyou for recommending those books, I look forward to reading some of them, as I do believe alot of this has to do with my self esteem and it's time I do something about that.


Last night I tried to have another talk with him about how unfair everything is, and I told him he needed to do the dishes, he did them..it took almost an hour and a half because he was complaining the whole time, but they got done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 10:11am
When people who care about you and want the best for you all unilaterally say that it's a bad situation, it's worth taking a serious look into!