always arguing with him
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always arguing with him
| Mon, 05-14-2007 - 2:51pm |
Weve been together for about 2 years on & off... we argue alot. its almost draining me to the point where i tell him i dont care anymore when deep down i do. he gets really sad about it to the point where hes on his knees willing to do anything to please me, but he starts these arguements everytime. so heres the story..... i really love him & he knows i do. i know he loves me probably more than i love him.. but we argue constantly about everything. were both 20 years old, we dont live together. when we are together i check his cell phone i always see text messages from other girls, he always tells me they are just friends. the conversations he has with these girls are not sexual or anything like that,but he keeps it a secret from me so thats why i check his phone everytime. i become suspicious about him and these text messages. he never deletes them because he tells me he has nothing to hide. he always tells me "i love you more than any other girl, they are just my friends. i dont ever meet them in person, its nothing like that"...stuff like that, everytime. but i dont understand why he doesnt tell me about them or introduce me to them if they are just friends. i dont know how many of them there are, i`ll say maybe 3-4. the phone doesnt say there names just phone numbers. once i reply to one of the numbers writing back "who the F*** are you?" he got mad & took the phone. we were literally fighting over the phone. i can tell from the way they talk thru text, im not mentioned. i can also tell they like him more than a friend. because i must say, my boyfriend is very attractive & i know what girls want from him when they see him as far as looks, material things & stuff like that. messages like, "when are your off days from work so we can chill?" or just the way they write back & forth to eachother like im not even visable to him.
i just dont understand why he needs to have these "girl" friends when he claims to just want to be with me & love me. he always tells me we are going to get married & have kids and a future together. its really confusing, im tired of fighting with him & not trusting him. the only thing thats keep us together is the love we have for eachother. what advice do you have?
i just dont understand why he needs to have these "girl" friends when he claims to just want to be with me & love me. he always tells me we are going to get married & have kids and a future together. its really confusing, im tired of fighting with him & not trusting him. the only thing thats keep us together is the love we have for eachother. what advice do you have?

Welcome to the board naleiya,
There are some major issues going on here with you and your bf. The trust and jealousy on your part and the his relationship with these other girls. Unless these issues are fixed, I think it will be the end of your relationship. Would counseling be an option?
I think the first thing you need to do is stop looking through his cell phone. This just causes you to trust him less and will cause him to want to hide things from you.
Have you met any of the girls he talks to? Would he be willing let you met any of them?
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but still its always something.. thank you again for the advice
Nalaeiya,
We were 20 yrs old when we got married, that was 34 years ago. I know you heared this again and again, wait. Your only 20, see some of the world before you settle down ( you may never see the world or the USA ). I heared it from everyone, but we were in love and wanted to get married. Get some girl friends together and go on a road trip, a long one. Naleiya he's not ready to settle down, even if he marry you now it may not last. Wait, go till you 25 to 29 to settle down. I love my wife, but I wish I could and should have got on a few road trips, even if just to see some of our USA. If when you are on a trip and the need to get laid is there, fine a guy and say it's your lucky day I need to get laid. Have him try anal on you, ( use lot's of lube ). If you go on a road trip bring condoms, if you like sex like I do buy 3 doz. or More!!! Look my wife can go into my cell phone or wallet any time she wants, I have nothing to hide. Is the reason he love is your having sex with him and maybe the other will not ? he's only 20, Naleiya most marriage's don't even last five years.
thank you..
i had a long talk with him last night & we broke up.
i lied to him & told him i took some counseling and i told him about "love is nothing without trust or happiness." he agreed. so we're not together, but he still texts me & tells me he loves me.. but at the same time, love shouldnt be this hard... im tired of fighting with him everyday...so its my time to move on & see how long i can do this by myself..
p.s. your funny juan..but thanks for the opinion & matter of fact, i am going on a vacation trip..costa rica!!!!!!!!! very happy about that.
p.s.s we dont have sex...well weve had sex once or twice within the 2 years.
so our relationship has nothing about sex, we never fight about it, some times i wish we did have sex alot more often.. but sex isnt any kind of issue...or maybe it is & i just dont know about it
Unless you trust your boyfriend, it is really impossible to build a healthy relationship. Of course he has a right to have "friends" and to talk to them. However, if he is your boyfriend, it is also natural for him to introduce you to them. The fact that he doesn't would make anyone uneasy, and so he is causing these and fears and doubts by keeping you apart from them.
I strongly suggest that you let him know that it's okay for him to have friends, but you have to meet them as well. You are a couple, and if he wants to have a world apart from you, especially with women friends, you are not comfortable with it, it makes you upset and angry and that is not something you can live with in a relationship.
In a relationship both couples must respect the needs and boundaries of one another. If he sees that it is so upsetting to you, then, in order to keep the relationship on a healthy basis, he has to do something about this - either introduce you to them, or let them go.
You are still both quite young and basically it sounds as though he may not be ready for such a committed relationship. He may still need time just to be his own person, have his own life and his own friends as well. This doesn't mean he's cheating with them, but it just may be too soon for him to function as a "couple".
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you couldnt have explained that better in another way... thats so true.
i thank you a lot.
i will explain that to him, but then again its too late, i already let him go..but he hasnt let me go... this is so hard.