alwys getting blamed

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2007
alwys getting blamed
4
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 7:05pm
when my boy friend and I argue, he blames me for our problems and I end up feeling stupid, inadequate, and very small. I don't know what to say in response to him so then he accuses me of not caring at all because I get very quiet and start thinking about how to end the argument. I am so tired of always hewring that its my fault, that sometimes i tell him that i dont care,just to piss him off. When he blames me the things that go wrong in return i start yealling,call him names(BAD names),sometimes throw things, and slam doors. I have told him befour a nummber of times that it isnt always my fault, that sometimes its both of us(in a calm manner)and how it makes me feel. But he doesnt do anything to change the fact the always blames me. I need help!!!!!!!!! What should I/we do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 11:00pm

Welcome to the board goddess_globug,


Here's a few things you might find helpful:


7 Signs you should Run from your Partner

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 4:28pm

Welcome to the board goddess_globug,


I can understand being frustrated with your bf for him always blaming everything on you. However, calling him bad names, throwing things, and slamming doors isn't going to fix anything. In fact, it will probably make things worse because it will only make him madder and further prohibit any chance of having good communicate.


They two of you need to learn how to communicate better with each other. Otherwise, this may not be the right relationship for either of you.


I suggest checking out the links Carrie posted.


Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 5:03pm

The two of you need to learn about healthy, responsible communication. To start with, it's never, ever just one person's fault. And, if he's addicted to blaming you, and unwilling to look at his own part in things, of course it's easy to get angry and feel terrible about yourself. However, yelling, throwing things and slamming doors won't do any good. You need to understand that he is wrong in doing this, and not take it in. Don't believe what he says, don't let it make you feel badly about yourself. Think things through carefully and realize that this abuse and not communication. Let him know that unless he is willing to take responsibility for his part in the relationship and to stop attacking you and blaming you, you cannot stay in the relationship, because it is emotionally harmful to you. If he is willing to stop, get some help with you in communicating, understanding and expressing feelings honestly and with respect and consideration, unless both of you can do this, things often go from bad to worse.


So, set boundaries, don't take in his opinions, don't let him grind you to the ground. And then learn about healthy, responsible communication. Practice it yourself and choose to be in relationships only with others who do the same.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 6:32am
I feel your pain.. is it my life you are talking about? i am so fed up with it all ~& the selfishness of it.. think you & I need to walk girl!!!just need the strength to...but so complicated sometimes easier to stay.. Feel as if I made a wrong turn somewhere in my life & ended up here, unhappy & feeling totally insecure & inadequate..