Am constantly annoyed with DH

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Am constantly annoyed with DH
6
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 3:56pm
I've been married for 19 years. We have two small children (5 and 3). My problem is I'm constantly annoyed with anything my DH does, lately. It's driving me crazy. I never used to be like this. He's done some things over the past few years which have angered me greatly. We have since ironed out those things and he has been basically a model citizen the past couple years and is trying very hard. The trouble is that I can't seem to get past the anger. I don't have any trust issues, it's just that everything seems to annoy me. It's like the things he's done our whole marriage all of a sudden make me so mad. Little things like how he loads the dishwasher, etc, stuff all DHs do wrong (lol). These things seem to all add up and affect my whole day. I realize this is all me, he has apologized for the past, has not repeated the things, and is just patiently waiting for me to get "back to normal". I think it's a vicious cycle of me being so angry that he (in my eyes) destroyed our perfect relationship. We have been absolutely best friends since 1983 until a couple years ago. I don't understand how I can be so unforgiving. Has anyone else gone through this or have any suggestions. I just want my best friend back and have the relationship we had from 1983-2005. Any help would be terrific. I feel so lost and sad about all this. Thanks.


Edited 8/27/2007 12:19 pm ET by candygrabber
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:24pm

Welcome to the board candygrabber,


I think the best thing you can do is see a counselor to help you figure out how to work through this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:02pm
Thanks for the welcome. We did see one for about 4 sessions but it just wasn't the right fit. We're considering trying to find another person in the area. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 2:34pm

Why don't you try finding one for yourself? I'm not a counsellor but if I had to guess, I'd guess that you are holding some bitterness. Kind of like you are trying to make his life miserable for the misery he has caused you. Thats just a stab in the dark. I've done that kind of thing before bc I feel like its not "fair" that he can screw up, be forgiven and I have to pay the emotional price. Especially when I never do anything to hurt my DH...if that is the case, then it'll be hard to work through on your own. Remember, counsellors are there to help us work through things...we could probably do it all by ourselves but it usually takes ALOT longer, LOL.

Good luck,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 3:32pm

Welcome to the board candygrabber,


The thing with resentment is that it doesn't JUST go away. It has to be dealt with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 12:16am
Thanks everyone. You're all hitting the nail on the head. I've realized over the last year of trying to analyze this that I'm not so much hurt about what has been done, but how these things affected a relationship I was very proud of and cherished very much. I realize it's basically down to me being angry that we aren't the way we were and I apparently am blaming him for that which has just caused this vicious cycle. He is very aware of these feelings I'm having and is willing just to wait it out and be patient or see therapists, etc. I think I was just hoping things would start improving in my attitude already, especially since he's been doing so well and is open to however I want to proceed. I think I'm just so amazed at how unforgiving I am and I cannot figure out for the life of me why I'm cutting him no slack. If this were a friend of mine telling me this, I'd tell her to lighten up already. He's paid his dues and deserves a break, but I can't make myself get to that point. It's so frustrating. Thanks for letting me vent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 3:15pm
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT WAS FEELING THE SAME WAY U DID.. I WAS STARTING TIO FEEL BAD ABOUT MY THOUGHTS... WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE I WAS 12 AND I AM 32 NOW WE HAVE 4 KIDS TOGETHER BUT OMG NOW IT'S LIKE LEAVE ME ALONE... I DONT EVEN ANTICIPATE SEX WITH HIM AND IF WE DO IT'S LIKE HURRY UP I KNOW IT SOUNDS BAD BUT THATS THE WAY I FEEL, DONT GET ME WRONG I DO LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND HE'S SO GOOD TO ME AND THE KIDS BUT I DON T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT FEELING THIS WAY...