Am I asking too much?
Find a Conversation
Am I asking too much?
| Fri, 03-05-2004 - 11:39am |
Don't really know where to start. I love my wife but living with her has been difficult. She hurt her back almost 5 years ago, and had back surgery a little over a year ago. Any thoughts of kids were put on hold 5 years ago. During the last two years things have been limited to holding hands once in a blue moon.
I think her not wanting to sit next to me or be held by me is what causes the most discomfort. And any mention of my concerns totally upsets her. I might be able to deal with some level of response from her. But the total shutdown on her part is driving me right out the door.
I think her not wanting to sit next to me or be held by me is what causes the most discomfort. And any mention of my concerns totally upsets her. I might be able to deal with some level of response from her. But the total shutdown on her part is driving me right out the door.

Reading material to consider:
How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Sue Ellen Page
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr
You need to have a conversation with her that doesn't make her feel corner or attacked. "I know we have had a stressful year with surgery and all. How do you feel? - I'm worried that we are growing farther apart, mentally, emotionally and physcially. I do not want to add to your stress, yet I need to know if there is something we can do together to make this better between us? I need your help. Will you help? Would you consider going to counseling with me or reading a few books?
Let her talk. I hope it works out for you both.
Carrie
Just know you are not out of line to want to feel happy and content, loved and close to your wife. Everyone deserves that. But BOTH of you will have to want it and be willing to do what's necessary in order to find it and have it -- you can't do it on your own. Best of luck to you.
Id her distance due to pain or maybe mixed emotions and maybe a little bit of guilt because she cant have children for awhile? She may be depressed about a little bit of both...As hard as I know it may be, try to understand her views, as she should you.
have you tried counseling to try to work thru these things?
In the end, all you can do is be honest with yourself, and each other...