Am I being the crazy jealous girlfriend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2011
Am I being the crazy jealous girlfriend?
38
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 8:25pm

I'm beginning to think it's just me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 02-01-2012 - 9:03pm

Thing is you have a right to your feelings about this. He has a lot of female friends that he is very friendly with, maybe even overly friendly with. You don't have to like it at all. But what you do have to decide is whether you can handle him having all these good female friends or not. If not then you probably should just get out of the relationship because this is always going to be there causing HUGE problems in the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 12:52am

First of all, you don't trust him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2011
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 9:12am

I know you are right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 9:50am

I'm not sure I would get upset or jealous over contact with exes or friendships with females.

The thing that really sticks out to me in your post is how uninvolved in his life you are, after two years of dating. What is it about this guy that you really like? From what I can see, he is pretty opaque to you, living his own separate life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2011
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 10:31am

Well on his side I would guess that the reason he probably doesn't say much about these conversations is because of the fights we have had before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 10:57am

Do you have a personal history with jealousy in your marriage or any other relationships you might have had? Or is it just this guy?

I get that he doesn't say much in order to avoid a fight, but there's a difference between trying to keep peace with you and lying flat out about where he is.

Are you two able to talk about this in a civil manner or does it ALWAYS involve a fight? I think you should have a talk about how to proceed while you two are in a receptive mood for such a discussion, not in the heat of anger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2011
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 11:23am

I was never jealous before, BUT due to things that happened in my marriage, I do think I have some issues as a result.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 11:56am

It sounds like there were trust issues of some sort in your 14 yr. marriage. If so then you may be carrying those trust issues into this relationship. The way I see it is some women/men don't mind there SO having opposite sex close friends, whereas others have a real problem with it. I know my H has female co workers he talks to about things other than work., and that's okay as long as no boundaries are crossed, such as spending time with or texting them outside of work. That's me ( but to be honest there have been trust issues in the past) concerning him and other women, wheras had there not been any trust issues inthe past I might feel different about relaxing boundaries a bit. Really there's no right or wrong way to feel and nothings worse than not having your feelings validated. The thing is it doesn't seem like your BF is willing to empathize with you on your feelings about these female friends, so this is probably never going to go away. He is going to continue to have close female friends, and you are going to continue not liking it and feeling insecure about it. I don't see how this is going to get resolved without resentment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 12:39pm

You give up working on a relationship when you're the only one working on it!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 1:53pm
I've had some (HA) of my own jealousy issues along the way. I'm in a lesbian relationship, so try to figure that one out... (uh, I'm jealous when you go out with or talk to your friends because they are the same gender as we are- believe me- it's tough, ) but I've been doing some therapy and one of the things I found that helps me "deal" better if she's out with friends is making a list of "things I know to be true"..
She's never cheated, she's been friends with them for a long time, etc..
write down as many as you can think of... that sometimes helps with prospective.
for me anyway... doesn't let my imagination get the best of me.

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