Am I being demanding?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Am I being demanding?
6
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 9:39am

Been in a long distance relationship with a guy 9 years my senior for 18 months.


He's never bothered with Christmas, Valentines, My birthday or anniversary.


He lives in his mums house with his (very spoilt) dog, last year he was in prison for 4 months and I supported him throughout, he said he wanted to get engaged, but never actually got round proposing, in fact when I gave him a ring at Christmas he turned round and yelled in a drunken stupour 'I don't want a fkng ring off you'.


He's currently unemployed, although working on getting some qualifications.


The time we're apart (I go down to stay every other weekend or so)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 11:15am

Welcome to the board fluffsterxx,


I agree with you said part of you thinks the relationship sucks because it does. You deserve to be treated so much better than his. He is just using you plan and simple. I would dump him and find someone how is willing to work, show you attention and affection, and take you feelings into consideration.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 12:39pm

Welcome to the board fluffsterxx,


Yeah, I'd have to agree with the 'this relationship sucks' part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 12:41pm
You are not being demanding enough, my dear. I don't know why you're letting someone take advantage of you like this...this is not love. There is no respect or trust here. There is no friendship, no affection. This is all one sided on your end. This is not what being in a relationship is like. What you are describing is paying someone to your friend, paying someone to give him sexual favors (that aren't reciprocated?)...you can't even claim that you are friends with benefits. This man isn't your friend. He's using you for everything he can take. That's not a friend, that's not a boyfriend.
You say this is your second relationship...it makes me wonder what the heck happened during the first relationship that you think any of this is normal. It makes me wonder about the type of relationships you saw growing up that you would think this is in any way normal.
You teach people how to treat you. If you get kicked and you rush back for more, then expect to be kicked again and again. Expect the mistreatment to escalate. He ignored you on VD's, Bday, Xmas...who is the one who isn't learning? You aren't. You're both being consistent. He ignores you and you stick around expecting him to change and to start paying attention to you. Why is that? Why aren't you learning that the longer you stay, the longer you'll be in a relationship where you and your needs are not esteemed?
This is not what people mean when they talk about compromise. This man is walking all over you.
Unfortunately this is happening to you because you are letting it happen. You keep showing up for more and more of it. I really think that if you read something like Eat Pray Love or Co Depedency No More and other books around co-dependency, you would start to figure out how to get out of this and find a better place for you.
Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 5:00pm
I'm with magentablue on this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 8:12pm
There are a lot of really good guys out there if you look hard enough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2007
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 3:30am

Come on, girl!