Am I being overly cruel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Am I being overly cruel?
5
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 9:12am
Well I guess I pushed the limit. I emailed him what I felt. I didn't want to do a serious phone call. Bad move. Especially since I was ticked when I did it.

A recap of what I'm primarily ticked about is that two weeks before Christmas, I asked him if he would do Christmas dinner with me (I'm in a 150 mile long distant relationship). He said he would. Then 4 days before Christmas he declined.

His response was an email that 'I hurt you, I don't give enough, I used you for a booty call, I'm not attentive, and I can't read your mind. I can't get over being hurt by your words. I'm insulted that you think so little of me that I would do these things to you on purpose. I know I've made mistakes, but I don't feel that I deserve this.'

Now he won't return my phone calls or emails.

Either he is more dam sensitive than a girl, or he was wanting out.

Should I leave a phone message with a groveling apologizing (someone is going to have to, and I doubt that it is going to be him)? Was I too cruel on the first email? Does he want out and this is his excuse to get out? Is he a total jerk (I still don't think he is, he was just being extremely thoughtless and I
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 10:51am

Sensitive like a girl?? Real nice of you. Your Email was extremely accusatory and mean, and you threaten to break up with him. What response did you expect? "I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you and causing you to want to break up with me because you deserve better, from now on I'll be more attentive and affectionate with you. Thank you for bringing this to my attention!"

You need to either work on how you communicate or leave this guy rather than giving him sharp little "pointers" like a parent does for a child.

Your question is "Am I being overly cruel?" and my answer is yes. But you know what, you said "if you don't like what you're hearing then we need to break up"

SO BREAK UP WITH HIM. He obviously didn't like it, he didn't play your little game or fall into your trap. So leave. Wasn't that the plan? Or was it just an empty threat?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 11:22am

Welcome to the board annabannannna,


I can see why he is acting like he wants out of the relationship. And that is because that is exactly how you acted in your email to him. You made it sound like you weren't the least bit happy and you that you wanted out.


So why are you worried about getting him back now?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 5:18pm

You said that if he doesn't like what he's hearing, then he should break up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 8:31pm
The relationship may very well be over, but it wouldn't hurt to apologize to the poor guy. Once you think about it a while, you may feel like you should have approached the situation a better way. Email is never a good idea. I wouldn't grovel, I wouldn't ask him back, because it sounds like you two aren't meant to be. However, I never think it's a bad idea to say you're wrong when you are. Tell him you're sorry you went overboard and wish him luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 7:55am

"Well I guess I pushed the limit."