Am I being petty?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
Am I being petty?
6
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 8:38pm

I would really like some unbiased, 3rd party advice on a situation I am in with my boyfriend. I have been living with my boyfriend full-time for the past 6 months. Prior to that I'd been staying with him on the weekends and some weeknights. He had owned a house that he almost foreclosed on and was going through financial distress. In order to alleviate that, he invited one of his coworkers to live with him. That lasted for an entire year until he sold the house. This coworker/roommate has since become his business partner and they work from home. When my BF sold his house, I had held this fantasy in my mind that it'd be just he and I moving in together with our dog, but he informed me that the now-business partner (we'll call him "Steve") would be moving in with us, too. This lead to an argument on several occasions. He said he considers this man family and that prior to him moving in he'd been living in a hotel. I do not feel so much empathy because the man is 65 and has plenty of money.


To make a long story short, we've all been living together in a new house since April. I personally do not have anything against Steve, except that we're

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 10:09pm

It's not petty and you have every right to bring up that conversation. You shouldn't live under circumstances that don't appeal to you and I'm surprised you agreed to live with his business partner to begin with.

However, have you considered that perhaps your boyfriend doesn't WANT to live with you exclusively? It seems to me that if he felt he was ready to take a big step in your relationship, he'd want to do it without other people living with you. This is not a relationship living arrangement, it's a roommate living arrangement.

You owe it to yourself to find out exactly what the situation is like before you find a new place together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 10:19am

Hey there mini.


Are you being petty?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 10:54am

No, you are not the least bit wrong for feeling the way you do. I don't many people who would want to live with another person present all the time. That's a huge imposition, and when a choice like that is made by a couple, both parties must agree to it. This is not the kind of decision that one person makes and the other has to simply go along with. You have every right to want to live as a couple, and then as a family one day. If your boyfriend cannot respect that, then there is a serious problem here. You also must face the fact that there is some reason you do not stand up for yourself in this matter. It's not a question of giving him an ultimatum, it's a question of living in a way that you choose.


Unless both individuals in a relationship want the same life style and agree to basic issues, there is not the foundation for a healthy, on-going relationship. My question to you is why you even doubt this? Why you are willing to remain in this situation? It might be helpful for you to speak with a counselor about this, so you can receive additional clarity, insight and support in creating a life that is respectful and healthy for you.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 1:47pm

Welcome to the board mini1978,


No you aren't being petty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2007
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 9:47pm

Thank you, ladies, for all of the advice and suggestions. I truly appreciate your support. It looks like I have a lot of soul searching to do, and I've known this, I'm just avoiding it because I'm afraid of what the outcome will be. We've been fighting a lot and I've been having my doubts. I know it sounds pathetic, but I so badly want to have children that I think I've been convincing myself that he is the one for me. I'm 29 years old and desperately afraid of not being able to find someone and frankly, I don't want to look again. I feel like I'm so close to what I want

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 11:36pm
Feel free to stick around answer some posts and/or post an update later.