Am I being selfish?
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Am I being selfish?
| Wed, 06-09-2004 - 1:40pm |
I've posted on this board before and have had some really good feedback so I thought I'd come back. My previous postings have been about growing apart from long term best friend of mine. Our history over the last few years has been to argue how I did or didn't react to something going on in her life. She has always been the one to start these things. Typically we'd go back in forth through emails...not talk for some time and then suddenly one day just go back to 'normal' and never mention it again. The last fight was a doosy....face to face screaming match...this time it was about how my b/f (whom she'd met for the 2nd time) wasn't taking enough conversational interest in her life among various other immature things she stated that he wasn't doing. Although we ended the night in an apology...upon my request, which she was quite stubborn about, I asked for time alone to figure out professional and financial issues. That fight was an eye opener and I got to thinking about lots of things about our friendship and how I just don't feel a connection any more. At the most I'm interested in just keeping a simple friendship, catching up in E-mails, maybe see each other at holidays or in groups. I'm paranoid that whatever I say or do around her is never good enough and I'll never meet these epxectations that she holds over people...this bascially pushes me away. As our pattern goes we're back to buddy buddy e-mails and such. I just got a new job and start in two weeks and she's been bugging me for my actual start date...I think she wants to send me flowers...which I personally really don't want because I'd be somewhat embarassed at work, being my first day and all and I don't even know if I'll have an office, cubicle or what not. I'd thank her if she sent them but I also know that she would use this as ammo later on down the road...that's just the type of person she is. It's like she wants to fit into this perfect mold of a best friend in my life just so she can shove it in my face that friendships are thicker than b/f's and family. I don't know if this is making sense but it's more or less an attention thing for her...she doesn't rely on her family for anything so her husband and her friends are her family and she expects a lot . If I was to ever break up with my b/f...she can be there to say...'look at me...I was there for you...he didn't even send you flowers"...when in actuality I've asked him to save his money and keep flowers for holidays and b-days since I'd rather take that money and spend it on something fun and create memory rather than have a pretty flower for only a few days. At this point my friendship wtih my b/f is 10x stronger than that with her right now and I'm sure that comes off to her as me dissing her. I know I probably need to talk to her but am I being selfish by not wanting this gift from her...should I avoid giving her my start date or talk to her before she even has a chance to send them.

Carrie