Am I being unreasonable????
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| Fri, 08-06-2004 - 8:51pm |
This is my first time posting here and am really upset right now. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years but have been together almost 11 years. We have a very happy marriage and on the whole communicate very well and do not fight.
Well this week he has been a real jerk. He has been making little comments about the state of our house...it gets messy, not filthy but the dishes pile up and the bathroom gets messy. Well, he works nights and I work days. We have 2 dogs, 2 birds and a fish and have recently been trying to have a baby. So anyway, with our two different schedules it gets difficult to keep up with everything and on the weekends I really clean and get everything ready for the week and by Wednesday i am not as good at keeping it all "perfect" and that is when things get slack. Well he has decided that I cannot pick-up after myself in the bathroom so he wants the second bathroom to be his only. I have real issues with this simply because I see it as another step in seperating our lives. He says, "It is just a bathroom!" I say, "No it is not just a bathroom. It is another reason to seperate our lives. Now, you just don't like the state of the bathroom, in 2 years when the bedroom is to messy or you do not like how I sleep you will just sleep in the other room". My parents divorced and I learned alot of what "not to do" in a marriage, and seperating the little things is a big no-no.
Well anyway we just had a yelling match and he played the whole martyr "Well I am sorry I said anything. I just want a bathroom, but I guess I am the bad guy" I told him if he was going to play that game I was taking the dogs out and he said, "I'll just go back to work, take the dogs out later" I said, "I am so glad that we have 2 days together and we are not getting along. We are supposed to be better than this. And you never think about the presentation when you say things"
If he would have just come to me and said, "Honey, I really would rather use the other bathroom that way you can keep yours the way you want and I won't get upset when I can't find stuff" I probably wouldn't have gotten as upset as I did when he sai, "I need to de-stress my life and have a nice morning without wading through all of your crap."
Well I feel better getting it out. But really, am I unreasonable? Is it really just a bathroo?



1) The bathroom; when my husband and I were in our last house and he got up a lot earlier than me he used the guest bathroom during the week. It made things much easier and less stressful and we could spread out our stuff more. I can't imagine that was a bad thing for our marriage.
2) The stress- you two have a lot going on. Was the house always at this level of 'mess' for him and he is now just realizing it bothers him or is it messier for some reason or is he getting more controlling? I am trying to figure out what the real issue is here.
3)Trying to conceive-I know that this can be stressful to deal with. Is this making things worse for you two.
::If he would have just come to me and said, "Honey, I really would rather use the other bathroom that way you can keep yours the way you want and I won't get upset when I can't find stuff" I probably wouldn't have gotten as upset as I did when he sai, "I need to de-stress my life and have a nice morning without wading through all of your crap."
What he said was hurtful and mean and the state of the room is his justification for wanting his own bathroom.... there was a much better way to say it. Him saying it this way, made you take it personal and see it as him distancing himself from the relationship.
You two need to talk. I hope he can see how hurtful his words were.
Carrie