Am i chasing that never ending dream?
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| Sun, 04-22-2007 - 8:14pm |
Greetings
I really don't know how or where to start, so ill just go straight into details.
It's been 4 agonizing week's since my fiancee broke up with me. She sent a text to me saying that the relationship was over. Now i couldn't understand why, so i pursued this and got into contact with her on the phone, in which i was told that "she acted out the last year of the relationship". Now i asked why that would be? Her response was "It was the only way to solve the problem". Now as far as i was aware at the time, there was no problem. I mean the night before we arranged to spend a weekend together. So as unhappy as i was with these reasons that lead nowhere, i continued my pursuit, one day i rung up and managed to get her to talk to me for 5 minutes. It didn't go too well though, she didn't want to talk to me, she wanted nothing to do with me, she even said something along the line's of "Give it 3 weeks and we may be friends". So running out of options i just had to let her go.
I was crushed, and i still am. I have no real reason as to why a 6 year relationship/engagement suddenly ends. But not only that, while trying to sort this out with her, she has removed me from all forms of contact, and wont even face me in the streets. All within a few days. How can this be? How does someone just randomly decide everything was an act? How can they just cut off the person they've spent 6 years working to be with? I don't know and neither does my family. I have several conclusions which i won't go into.
Back to the topic at hand; Am i chasing a never ending dream? I love her, just like i did 4 weeks ago. I am in a state of mixed emotions. Always questioning "Why". I dream a lot of her, i used to dream about her while i was with her, but now it's a high toll. She was my first and considered my one true love. I am honest, i have never lied or cheated on her.
What do i do? I have sleepness nights due to this. Am i full of false hope? Is it right what she has done? Were her reasons valid? Am i right to want to know the truth?
I guess this will be quite an extreme post for a lot of people to get their minds around and understand.
I appreciate any advice.
Thanks.

Thank you for your response, however it is not as simple as it seems. I have tried in all my power to get back into contact, i have rang and text her mobile, which result in a sim-card change. I have rung the house phone in which her and her family have told me to stop kidding myself. You see we live long distance, and it's been long distance for pretty much all of the relationship. I mean only 2 hours by train..not entire countries apart. We saw each other a lot, i stayed with her for weeks at a time, she stayed with me, so there was no lack of being together. As for the problem; I am clueless, there wasn't one. It just randomly spawned upon the conversation, and whenever i tried to ask, or explain that problems are best talked out and solved, she would hang up on me, or give me zero reason.
I have had several reasons from her as to why it was done, but none of them make the slightest bit of sense. Family; i live with my folks and sister, they try to help but sometimes they can say something negative and insulting about "her" which then gets me upset. As for friends? Zero. I was told to get rid of them all when i started this relationship with her.
I really do think that she has either found someone else but doesn't have the spine to tell me, which wouldn't bother me, it would just help me stop lingering on, or she has no real reason, and really doesn't care that much.
People have advised me that if she really wanted to get into contact, she would contact me back, regardless of how many times i text, ring, or try to see her. But she wont have it. I am apparently "Kidding and lying to myself and that i need to just move on like she has." according to her last text 3 week's ago. But how? How has she moved on? This relationship wasn't a piece of trash you could just dump into the nearest bin when you felt like it. It was 6 years, coming on 7. How does one simply get up, walk away, and not look back?
Maybe i am kidding myself, maybe i dragging it on too long. I don't know, all i know is, and i have told her this, that i love and adore her, and i would sacrifice anything to be with her.
I have changed my entire life to her liking, No friends, No socializing, I didn't work so i could devote more time to her, and i have been in college the past 3 years. People have given me great advise over the past few week's, "It takes 1 week per years spent to get over somebody" which i know is really untrue, since you cannot plan or timeout how long it will take, But it was the phrase itself that had a bit of meaning. However i do not feel that way at all. I feel the same way i always have, wanting to do something for her, wanting to see her, wanted to make her feel happy...i guess i failed?
To bring something up which adds to all of this:
This all happened 3 years or so ago, we were out together, traveling by train back to my house. And we were sat side by side hugged up. She receives a text, so she slowly brings her phone out and tries to keep it hidden and brief. However i manage to see what was written on it due to the light from the window, you didn't even have to try and read it. It wasn't a normal thing for me, since i don't go sticking my nose into trivial thing's like that. However i was shocked to find out something i didn't know. Someone with a random number (as in no name was added to the phone) text her saying something along the line's of; "It's a shame you are not here for you're birthday and you're having to spend it with your "FIANCE", i got a really special present i would enjoy to give you". So i left saying anything until i got back home, I confronted her in a normal manner because i was a bit suspicious, and i wanted to at least here some form of truth from this. She said it was her "friend ****"(* = name, don't want to type confidential details). I asked, If it was ****, how come she is already added and has text you from her phone. She began crying her eye's out, told me it wasn't her friend, but someone called "*******", This was a guy she fell out with apparently because he attempted to kiss her at a bus stop, after claiming he was "gay".
And she had been "going out places" with him that past year, not informing me at all, just telling me lies about "i have slept in" or "sorry my phone was off".
I am still unsure even to this day what happened because she kept changing her story, but i feel it was something she really didn't want me to find out about. And because of that i did always have a very small place in my gut that i knew she could lie to me.
I apologize for this long encyclopedia sized rant, i just need opinions from outside the box you understand? I don't want to rely on family member's for advise because they can be quite biased. Since the person has "done something terrible" to someone they care for, their instant reaction is to hate.
Thanks,
Ash.
I am very sorry for your pain, Veritas, but unfortunately your former fiancee is an underhanded coward--and coming from a Texan, those are STRONG WORDS. She has been lying to you for several years, leading a double life and doing as she pleased while keeping you on a short leash. Right now, you are still bewildered and in pain, but in a short while you can expect to feel the cleansing fire of anger when you think about how she has treated you.
You are not the first person to whom this has happened (I know that doesn't make you feel any better)--a friend of mine was engaged, and the wedding was imminent when the bride's father called my friend and told him that the wedding was off, and not to try to contact his fiancee or they would call the police. She never spoke to him again.
Maybe some women who have done this will post and let us know why they took such a drastic course of action.
Why would you still want to be w/someone who could possibly treat you this way?
Take this scenerio for an instance: Say you get back to gether. Yea! Then you get married, then you have kids, and then one day she just ups and leave all of you alone again...do you really want that? She sounds very immature...and not very nice either. I think that you can do better.
Just remember some things.
Taking a lyric from the Singer Sting "Free. Free. Set them free. If you love someone set them free."
Also remember, that sometimes, the ppl that we love hurt us sometimes. No one is perfect. Just keep your heart open to her and open to forgiveness.
And I wish you the best of luck and pray that everything will work out okay for you in the end.
Her behavior is outrageous and cruel, and I know it's too soon for you to hear this, but you are fortunate to have her out of her life. Clearly, she has been holding to many feelings and things have been festering within her that you had no idea about. The person you knew was only partially the true person. Now this has been revealed. There is absolutely no excuse for treating you in such a cruel manner, giving you no reasons and not having a chance to talk things out. She is not able to really love you, or care about your feelings and this makes that clear.
You are now in shock and grief. That is why you are dreaming of her and of course, holding onto fantasies and dreams of the past. It's because it all happened to suddenly and abruptly and you had no warning at all. Like any shocking loss, it takes time to process it. Be patient with yourself. Many feelings will surface, pain, grief, shock, anger. It can be very helpful to talk to a counselor at a time like this, to help you sort out all that is going on. The most important point is to realize that this kind of harshness on her part is not a reflection of you, but of her. It is not how any person deserves to be treated after six years and an engagement.
Get a good theapist and stay away from this woman. In time, you will calm down, sort things out, and be able to see things differently. Don't buy into the nonsense of being friends with her. It's just a way to dangle you and keep you hoping and around. Over is over. And, after this kind of treatment, the further away you get from her, the better.
Best wishes,
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