Am I cheating myself?
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 01-11-2004 - 10:02pm |
His work hours are horrible and he keeps saying that it's going to get better, but I don't believe him anymore. I resent the fact that I'm alone all the time, this is not what I had in mind for my life... He doesn't make me, but I do the grocery shopping, housework, drop off and pick up dry cleaning etc. I actually welcome that because I'm so bored but I'm even starting to resent that. He gets up every day at 5:30 and goes in and doesn't get home until at least 6:00 pm(right now it's almost 7 pm here on a SUNDAY and he's still at work)but most of the time it's a lot later-- some nights it's 8:30 pm and then he's too tired to do much but eat and watch a TV show and then go to bed. The thing that really makes me mad too is that this morning he said he'd be in around 3 "hopefully". He says things like that all the time and it's most of the time an understatement of the time it takes to get the job done. Our sex life is OK, but I am starting to hold back because of resentment. Even though he's tired he's up for it more than I am. He's leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks to go on temporary assignment and I feel very non-priority.
I don't see myself making the friends like I had in Florida, we're only going to be here for another year or two. Then off to another new place where I won't have any friends AGAIN! I know (as I'm reading this, I'm realizing) that this could sound like a case of a cheater, but I'm POSITIVE that's not it. He's second in command at his job and I talk to his Commander all the time and he tells me about things that John's done and the long hours he works and all that.
When I came to CA we agreed that if I absolutely hated it or if I changed my mind in any way I could go back to FL. I don't want to lose what I have with the "non-working" John, but I don't know if I can handle being alone so much. I feel like I'm cheating myself out of the life that I wanted-- fun, hanging out with other couple friends, making fun dinners, etc.....Does anyone have any advice at all? Please help me....
Dee
| Sun, 01-11-2004 - 11:07pm |
