Am I crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
Am I crazy?
3
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 7:04am
A week ago, the man I have been dating for the past four months and I had a huge fight about commitment. When we met, he pursued me, but made it clear that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship yet as he'd just come out a divorce. We have been exclusive and spend a lot of time together which has been mutually ejoyable. Although I am not any closer to becoming his "girlfreind", I recently found out from his best friend's wife that he confessed that he had strong feelings for me as I had "captured his heart". I do feel that if I am not careful I will become his inbetween woman until he is ready to start "dating" seriously. I haven't spoken to him since our fight (a week ago) as we're both trying to calm down. He says he will call me when he is ready to talk, but I have no idea how long I should wait? Was I stupid to confront him like that and how long do you think I should wait until he calls?
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: rinivn
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:11am

This is a tricky situation. You're right, when someone is right out of a divorce there is usually a "transitional relationship" with which they get their feet wet again. The timing is often wrong for these relationships to blossom into committment, as they are just not ready. Sometimes it happens, however. To push for committment after 4 months seems too soon. However, it also seems as though you are feeling insecure about the situation as he told you he wasn't seeking committment, and you are quite right to not want to spend your time and invest your feelings in a relationship that you do not feel secure in. Therefore, it's up to you to decide how long you want to give this - make a time frame that you feel comfortable with, and see where things are by then. If you want a committed, growing relationship, and it is not moving in that direction, then move on.


You cannot push the river. You cannot change the timing in a person's life. If he misses you and wants to go forward, then it's up to him to reach out and let you know. If he feels the need to integrate the effects of the divorce and failed marriage and to get back on his feet again and find out who he is, no matter how wonderful you are, there is nothing to be done.


All good wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: rinivn
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:27am
What exactly was the fight about?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: rinivn
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:57am

In all honesty, i think a week is an excessive amount of time to not speak about this, or to make you "wait"..whatever you want to consider it....but, like you said, you arent serious, and Im assuming that everyone has their own time table they work by.


If this is bohering you, I would cal him and ask to talk about it.Communication is key and needs to be clear with you, as you with him, about where things are going.


Best wishes,

~*Cl-marsexpert*~


Co-cl of Ask the relationship saver


"TRUE LOVE DOES NOT COME BY FINDING THE PERFECT PERSON, BUT RATHER LEARNING TO SEE AN IMPERFECT PERSON PERFECTLY." Unknown