Am I crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Am I crazy?
2
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 6:07pm
Hi all! I need help dealing with a certain issue. I have never tended to be a jealous woman, but I find myself dealing with feelings of jealousy that I'm not crazy about, and I'm not sure if I'm just crazy for having these feelings or if I have a right to feel this way. I have a good, solid relationship of two years with a guy that I truly love, but because of our moral outlooks, we don't live together. He is in the process of moving out of his apartment, where he is the only guy in a four people apartment. He is moving because the owners of his townhouse have decided to sell. He is moving in with one of the girls who lives with him now, and this is the main reason I'm struggling. I find that I am feeling jealous when he calls me up to tell me how he and **Jane** are planning the move. I don't like listening when they discuss it, because I feel like they are building a home together. He will call when we go to the grocery store together to see if the two of them need groceries, and there are nights he tells me that he wants to stay home because his girl roommate says they haven't had "roomie nights" in too long. I know that they're not involved, but for the first time, I'm very VERY much struggling to not resent their creating a home together. I've discussed my feelings with him and he has said he would move out if that's what I needed, but I feel like this would be indulging my jealous feelings instead of resolving them. HELP! Am I crazy for feeling this way?

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: christimd81
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 7:09pm
Have you told him how you feel? You should. I find it interesting that he won't live with you because of his morals, but will live with another female because he's not sleeping with her, it's ok?

This part:

there are nights he tells me that he wants to stay home because his girl roommate says they haven't had "roomie nights" in too long

I've had roommates and my life was not so involved with theirs that there was a NEED for a 'roomie night'. VERY WEIRD IN MY OPINION.

PS - I let my cubemate (male) read your story - he thinks your guy is full of it.

Another PS added, I shared your story with my boyfriend as well (feedback takes longer as we don't work together) He agrees with my cubemate, maybe your guy isn't having sex with this 'roommate' but he's defininately 'cheating'. Meaning he's sharing emotional bonding with her (date night with a roomie) and sharing initimate details of his life with her.

I know none of this makes you feel better, but I don't think you are crazy and I would feel exactly like you do in this same situation.


Edited 4/21/2004 7:41 pm ET ET by itwinflame


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
In reply to: christimd81
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 9:13am
Thanks so much for your comments and advice. It's good to know that I'm not crazy.

I should clarify that "roomie bonding nights" have only been a few nights - maybe three or four - during the last year. I should also say that I have talked to him about my feelings in this situation, and he's said that if I really need it, he would move out and find a new place. I just think that it would be highly unfair of me to expect him to move out because of me, especially when he has no back-up plan. I just want to find the best way to get over this, if that's what I should be doing!

You're right, it doesn't really make sense that it's ok to live with a girl as long as he's not sleeping with her, but not to live with me... I am not sure exactly how to feel about that.

Thanks again!