Am i Crazy???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Am i Crazy???
1
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 7:23am
This is going to be a little long, but more for my piece of mind than anything though. Anyway, here is the situation. Been married for a 8yrs but we've been together for over 10. Things have not been good for a while now, but we have been trying to hang in there. A lot has to do with trust. Again, mostly my fault and I can understand it to some degree.

2004 has been a bitch to say the least. In January, my father was hospitalized and during my trip to see him realized that my mother was no longer to live alone. So, with my wifes permission, I moved my mother in with us in January. Dad was not doing too well either. He was diagonosed with cancer and it was pertty far gone. Ok, move to Feb. Mom has been living with us for a few weeks, things were not too bad. Dad calls and said that he wants to come live with us as well. Again, after discussing this with the wife, she said, OK. Dad comes down the 10th of Feb, and passes away on morning of the 14th in my bed. We thought we had more time, but that was not the case. Anyway, during this, my wife has been incredible. Making the arrangements, taking care of everyone and just being superwoman for the most part. I appreciated EVERYTHING that she was doing and tried to show my appreciation through words and actions.

Ok, moving forward again, funeral is over, we come back home. I'm dealing with a lot of emotions by this point. Things are not going well for me on so many levels. I have a tendency to hold things in because when i try to talk to my wife, she has a way of injecting her feelings and basically saying this is how i should feel about things instead of respecting my true feelings. Anway, I'm also heavily involved with youth baseball in this area. I thought that i was doing something positive with my time and energy, but again, my wife seems to think otherwise.

Brings me up to saturday. i wake up not in the best of moods. I don't recall saying anything hurtful and harsh. i had to do something regarding baseball that morning for about 30 mins. i came home, wife said she has to run out to do something. she comes back a few minutes later saying that she couldn't do it. she seems antsy. she then says that she is going over her friends house (widowed guy living alone) to borry a drill so she can fix this book case that she has been working on. She takes 3 of the kids with her, i guess her way of trying to say that she is not doing anything wrong. Well anyway, about 2 hours later, she calls me coming home from this guys place and tells me that she is moving out with the 3 kids that she has with her and that the other 2 can stay with me. Now, again, stevie wonder could see that things were not great between us but this totally caught me off guard!!!!!!

She came by yesterday, we talked for a few. I voiced my thoughts on the crap that was going on. She works nights and last night MY kids were with someone else while she was at work. Coupled with the fact that this man was just arrested last month for public drunkeness and he has a history of drinking excessively. she thinks that i'm trying to trap her into staying or something, but the truth is, i feel a lot less stressed with her gone. i still have 2 of the kids with me and its pretty good. they don't seem to mind it too much and my mood is improved with her not around. problem is that i don't want this damn man being with my kids at night. its irresponsible of her (in my opinion) to do this. thoughts??

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 10:38am
It sure is irresponsible. But its not just that. Its actually cruel. I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I guess my advice would be to speak to a lawyer asap.

You probably have a good claim for a divorce. stick with the good feelings now that she has gone. You are gonna need baby steps through each day and judging by your first reactions, ie feeling good that she is not around are good indicators that you will pull through.

I am really sorry to hear about your dad as well. I hope you are all ok.

~Cuddles

Ustaani in rainy Great Britain