Am I Crazy????????????????
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Am I Crazy????????????????
| Fri, 03-19-2004 - 9:22pm |
My husband has avoidant personality disorder,( this disorder causes the one you love to push you away, even though what they want is love and fear rejection- their minds are in confusion with intimate relationships, but sometimes they function in the everyday workplace as if they are going through the motions. This has been hard for me because I am an extrovert personality and he was subdued, but not introverted when I met him- 5yrs ago- he went through this depression because of his dad's death and job upheavals etc-but he got through it- we are going through this rough time again, this time, we find out that this disorder is the reason for his behavior. Living with him is like being on a roller coaster- I love him with all my heart, but it is hard to be pushed away- when you know that the one you love is in pain and you can't do anything- but let them help themselves. He was talking to a female coworker and I flipped out- I felt betrayed, but he said it was easy to talk to someone who did not matter to him- she did not know him like I do- so he would listen to her problems, help her solve them to feel good about himself- he felt *safe*, because it did not let him focus on himself or his problems. We love each other, and it is hard for him to go to therapy- he is afraid they won't be able to help him- I am alone, feeling sometimes dejected, this man means everything to me- but I feel helpless in this situation- anybody going through rough times that wants to talk- I am all ears- any suggestion on how to keep myself positive and help him to get through this??????????????????????????//

I wish you the best.
you are not crazy, neither of you are crazy, but you both have issues, and you both need help - individually and as a couple. there is nothing wrong with going to therapy, but if neither of you want to get help - this relationship will just continue on the roller coaster cycle, only the ups and downs and twists and turns will get worse and worse each time. how do i know? btdt..... my STBX has a lot of different issues, i don't even know what the "official" problem is, because he never went to get help, but the symptoms are definately depression, addiction to painkillers/tranquilizers, lying, lack of sexual life, etc.... loving a person - if you do indeed "love" him, and not just feel sorry for him - is not enuf.
this is a choice that you have to make - you either accept him (and the marriage ) *as is*, or you move on. if he does not want to get help - he won't, and you can't force him to get help, and you can't *do this* for him either (oh dear, how do i know? because truly i have tried every which way to "help" my STBX, and nothing worked).