Am I crazy to want this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Am I crazy to want this?
10
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 10:31am
Do other people celebrate their 6 month mark with a guy? Two of my friends do but my boyfriend thinks it is odd. Basically, the 6 month mark was yesterday. I got him a card and a gift (something he mentioned wanting a while back). I wasn't expecting a card or a gift. We live together so I left it for him and went to work. He found it, opened it up, and didn't even call to say thank you. Eventually he called and, at first, ignored the fact that he got a present and a card then said thanks, you didn't need to do that, etc. Then he told me he was going out with his friends that night...WTF? I wasn't expecting him to get me anything but you think he could spend the night with me and maybe hang out? He told me to come out with his friends and I said I would like to have a nice evening with him, today is special to me, etc. At 6 he said he would have a few drinks and take me out to dinner...later he texted and said he'd be home soon at 8:00. Come 11:00 I went to bed. I told him this morning how hurt I was and his response was "I'm sorry. What do you want me to do about it now?"- funny thing is I don't think there is anything he can do. He was ungrateful, ignored me, made a day that was special to me seem stupid, and lied. I know he feels bad about it now but I just don't know how to communicate with this man. Am I crazy to want to celebrate the 6 month mark?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 10:40am

I think you can want to celebrate the 6 month mark if you feel like, but generally if you want to celebrate something with someone, you should let them know ahead of time. Asking someone to change their plans at the last minute because you want a special event is rather inconsiderate. That said, when he told you he'd take you out at 6, then kept pushing back the time, it was very rude of him. If he didn't want to take you out, he should have outright told you instead of making you wait needlessly. Does he often lie/stand you up like this?

It sounds like you two have some communication issues that are deeper than a misunderstanding concerning a 6 month milestone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 11:19am

Ok, fair enough. He made the plans after he got the gift and card however. That being said, this morning he told me he didn't read the card all the way through (though it was only about 4 sentences) and didn't see the "Happy 6 months" at the end. He hasn't often stood me up and lied but he does it with his friends and sometimes his family. He'll lie and say he's on his way when he is still in bed, etc. I guess I'm just worried that is what is going to happen with me soon enough (like it did last night).

Also, should I have to tell him when I want to celebrate things like my birthday? He knows I'm sentimental, and I told him multiple times that dates like my birthday, Christmas, etc. will be important dates to me. After all, he expected a celebration on his birthday. I don't expect anything grand...just some time together and a nice gesture. Today he told me that he doesn't remember dates like my birthday and when we started dating. I don't feel like I should have to remind him of them...I remember things that are important to him (or write them down so I don't forget). Shouldn't I expect the same? Maybe I am being unreasonable.




Edited 6/8/2007 11:37 am ET by sweet_girl1981
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 11:41am

You're not crazy, but just step back a moment and realize, this is your special creation, a 6 month mark celebration. It was not even in his consiousness, nor do most people think this day is special. If you felt you wanted to celebrate it, perhaps it would have made more sense to let him know in advance about how you felt about it and see if he wanted to celebrate it as well. He must have felt surprised and also a bit cornered. It may have seemed that you wanted and expected more from him than he felt comfortable with. From the sound of it, it seems he felt his freedom disappearing, and that's why he scheduled an extra long time with friends.


You say that you live together. I think it's very important that you get clear on both your view of and intentions for the relationship and his. You may not be on the same page. He may not feel it is as serious as you do. Things can get quite confusing if you live together but are not clear about your mutual direction and plans. Don't assume anything. It's dangerous to make assumptions without talking things over clearly and finding out where you stand.


Take care and best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 12:18pm
I don't think the six month anniversary is something you're generally expected to celebrate the way you're expected to celebrate the one year anniversary, but a lot of people do still like to celebrate the date. Regardless of what other people do for the 6 month anniversary though, you DID tell him the day was important to YOU. After that, he agreed to take you out in the evening and then broke his promise. He was definitely in the wrong for not showing up. It sounds like he got caught up having fun with his friends and then didn't want to have to break off things. That's really not fair to you. All you can do at this point is to let him know that this behavior upsets you. If he continues doing stuff like this to you, then you have to decide whether or not it will be a dealbreaker for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 1:19pm
We have had discussions about the relationship, where it is going and how serious it is- he says he takes it very seriously and that this is it for him (he wants to propose in a year, have kids a year after that, etc.). He's already asked me twice if we should go look at rings. Maybe he felt temporarily cornered though or maybe he says those things but is just saying them? The six month thing was my creation- I guess it was pretty stupid...one of my friends mentioned celebrating it and I guess the idea just took root. I'm still ticked about the lying but I realize now I should have been better at communicating with him before hand. Thank you all for the advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 1:29pm

I just want to say that I don't think your idea is stupid! My boyfriend knows I am a sap and we celebrate lots of anniversaries. Sometimes in a funny way- I sent him a really cheesy online hallmark greeting card today for example saying- Happy Anniversary! 23 months, I can't believe we have been together sooo long etc ;)Even though my boyfriend doesn't feel the need to celebrate anything more then our yearly anniversary he goes along with it because it makes me happy.

If something is important to you and you tell your boyfriend that, then he should respect it. He is definitely allowed to think celebrating the 6 month anniversary is stupid/cheesy/whatever but he should keep those thoughts to himself and just enjoy the day with you because it's important to you and something very simple which he can do to make you happy. Simple as that.

You're not crazy!

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Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 2:49pm

Yes, but she never told him before the actual *day of* that it was anything important to her.

Also, to the OP, <> - YES! You tell him "my birthday is important to me". He thinks "Ok, her birthday is important to HER". Men are very literal. You have to be crystal clear on what you want. Think about it - when was the last time a guy took a 'hint' from you? IMO, the only time a guy takes a 'hint', is when you WRITE that hint on a brick and hit him in the head with it! lol!!

If you want your birthday celebrated in a certain way, you have to TELL him, and in ADVANCE. You say "honey, it's really important to me that you recognize my birthday. My family has always made a big deal out of it, so I'd like it if you make some sort of gesture (card, token gift, take me out...whatever it is you want) on the actual day (or whatever day is important to you).

Many women may think that it takes the romance and surprise out of it if you have to tell him - but I say that most of those women become sorely disappointed when their SO doens't read their mind.

If you want him to surprise you, tell him you want him to think about you and what you like, and do something special to surprise you ON your birthday.

Just don't be upset if he knows you like to read so he leaves you alone for the night to persue your love of reading!

One other suggestion - you may want to read The Five Love Languages. It's a fantastic book that explains the different ways people express love, and helps to identify, recognize and respect those differences. I read it and it was a really great read.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 3:22pm

I'm upset for you not because he didn't celebrate the 6-month mark, but for the way he treated you after knowing how you feel.

Guys are not as intuitive as women into others' feelings and men and women are not mind-readers. So the bottom line -- if you want something from your boyfriend, tell him you want it. If you want to celebrate your 6-month mark, then tell him because he might not know it's important to you. The fact that you told him and he didn't make it up to you in any way -- that disturbs me. Okay, so he ignored the whole thing the day of. Then why not make it up to you the next day or as soon as he possibly could? A good guy will do that without your request.

And you wrote something that stuck with me -- you said that he does not often stand you up or lie to you. Maybe you mis-spoke, but has he ever stood you up? I'm sorry but someone you love and who supposedly wants to marry you within the year, should never ever stand you up. Unless there is an emergency, there is never an excuse for standing you up. And honestly, if there was an emergency that causes him to cancel plans, one would assume that he would call you or contact you in some way so it would not be considered being stood up and I would assume he would call so you could be there for him during a crazy time.

That's my two cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 3:52pm

I agree 100%. I always think it's a bit silly when people expect their boyfriends/husbands/men in general to know what they are thinking and respond accordingly. I mean we don't expect that from most our friends or family, why should we expect it from our significant others?! I also would be at a loss if my boyfriend suddenly expected me to do things for him without telling me. How should I know what he wants if he doesn't tell me- that has nothing to do with love, that's just mind reading and I can't do that.

I was more responding to sweet_girl1981 comment of
>>>>At 6 he said he would have a few drinks and take me out to dinner...later he texted and said he'd be home soon at 8:00. Come 11:00 I went to bed.<<<<<

Clearly he was able to do something with her, even at short notice but he then lied to her and didn't even come home. He was basically saying, yeah I just don't care. I also just wanted to say that you can celebrate anything- as long as both people know what is expected, and know about it ahead of time, which was unfortunately not the case here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 9:30pm

>>>He made the plans after he got the gift and card however.<<<

Many women might have made the connection right away between the gift giving and the significance of an event (although I probably wouldn't have...I'm very literal), but I think your average guy wouldn't. Never rely on hinting. Unless you have an exceptionnally gifted or experienced guy, you'll be dissappointed more often than not.

>>>Also, should I have to tell him when I want to celebrate things like my birthday? He knows I'm sentimental, and I told him multiple times that dates like my birthday, Christmas, etc. will be important dates to me.<<<

I wouldn't take any chances, especially if he admits he's bad with dates. Remembering dates isn't a given to everyone, no matter how good their intentions. As for other holidays, saying something like "what would you like to do on XYZ?" isn't too hard and saves a lot of heartache. Besides, planning a special holiday together can be a great bonding experience. One of my favorite Christmases with a boyfriend involved both of us deciding on a gift theme, a price range and a restaurant. Even though it wasn't a surprise, it was super romantic to make plans together.

>>>He hasn't often stood me up<<<

Hasn't often? That doesn't sound too good. This is my own opinion here, but I find that standing someone up is a serious offense in a relationship. It's a sign of dishonesty, bad communication and disrespect. Basically, it goes against everything a good relationship is based on.