Am I crazy for wanting a relationship that maybe an uphill battle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2012
Am I crazy for wanting a relationship that maybe an uphill battle.
13
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 8:25pm
I have an issue I met a guy two years ago online. We dated briefly and had sex. He has two children with two different women and both were bad relationships. So he wasnt as attentive as I liked so we decided to be friends. But then I would get jealous if he brought up other women and to me its hard to be just friends after the emotion of sex. So his main issue is he felt like in his other two relationships he gave up alot of himself to please the women. So I tend to get blamed and punished as he doesnt want to give too much of himself again. Am I crazy to want a relationship that maybe an uphill battle?? We can text when our work allows during the day, talk on the phone and have so much fun and laugh alot when were together. But should I give up now and stop wishing it will become something that works for the both of us? Or just break ties now??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Sammie, when you broke up with him, did he agree that he couldn't meet your needs?

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

One question: Why don't you believe you deserve better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2012
Hi True, He agreed he could not give me what I needed. Ive never seen this man beg.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I don't know why you would want to be in a relationship where you are blamed & punished for the actions of his exes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2012
Hi Wisdom, Because I dont get the same feeling I get with him with other men. What feels right with him I get irritated when other men do the same thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2012
Hi Music lover,
Actually he pays more child support than I make in a month because thats what his ex asked for. He married the younger childs mother and even though she was horrible to him he was going to try and stay with her until his son was 18. So hes a good guy as far as his kids and working. Just emotionally he needs lots of work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

If he agreed that he can't give you what you need, then there's no point in persuing a relationship with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Yes,you're crazy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Sammie, I sincerely hope you are posting here because there is a part of your brain that really wants to protect you from being hurt, and deep down you're looking for someone to talk you out of it.

Since this is the terminology you use... Yes it is, in a way, crazy to want a relationship like this in the same way that it would be crazy to run into a burning building and just sit there. You are working against your instincts for self-preservation. This man doesn't make you happy; the feeling you get when you're laughing and having fun is what makes you happy, but you can absolutely have these feelings again for a man who treats you well and can give you what you want. No you should not be friends with him, this will only hurt you. I think you should cut ties to him, if you find yourself getting upset or jealous about other women in his life then what you have isn't really a friendship at all... good luck Sammie, you are stronger than you want to believe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2012
Thanks everyone for the input. I didnt expect absolutely no one to support me wanting to make an effort. Im used of talking and texting this man everyday for two years now except for a few months that I stopped talking to him. I hope I can be strong and let go but I just dont know.

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