Am I giving up too easily?
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Am I giving up too easily?
| Wed, 08-11-2004 - 8:41am |
I have been dating my bf for 3 1/2 yrs. Engaged for 2. We lived together for about 5 months of this time. Dumb fight, he moved out, then mom got sick and he moved in with her. That was over a yr ago...he still lives with mom, has his own house that his son lives in.(mom is all better 6 months ago). After his mom got better, I told him I wanted to live together again. I feel you really get to know someone much more this way and besides I love him and want more commitment. He didn't want to because he says he can't afford it(he pays his house payment and child support, no other bills). So we agreed we would get his house fixed up, because it's really not that livable, so he can sell it. The furnace doesn't work, hot water doesn't work, etc... His son goes to friend's houses for showers or to his grandma's to eat. The problem is...we worked on his house for about 2 weeks and haven't been back since. I don't want to keep pushing the issue, because if it's not what he really wants then I don't want him to do it. In other words I want him to do it of his own accord.
Well now it is 6 months later and I've finally had a say about it. He stays with me at any free moment. The only time he doesn't is when he is working or when he goes to his mom's to sleep after work(3rd shifter). He pays no bills at his mom's, his or my house. MOm does his laundry(he is 46yrs old). He does house work maybe once every 2 or 3 months. Tells me I should get my chores done before he get's there so we can spend more time together, but then says he was just joking when he says that. He has fixed some things in my house and my car and claims that makes up for not paying any bills or rent.
What I want is to move in together and share all of this. I am financially independent. He makes just as much money as I do. He says I am just money hungry!? I think he has no intentions of committing and is along for an easy ride. What do you think?? We are currently split up right now over this. Any opinions are greatly appreciated!!
Well now it is 6 months later and I've finally had a say about it. He stays with me at any free moment. The only time he doesn't is when he is working or when he goes to his mom's to sleep after work(3rd shifter). He pays no bills at his mom's, his or my house. MOm does his laundry(he is 46yrs old). He does house work maybe once every 2 or 3 months. Tells me I should get my chores done before he get's there so we can spend more time together, but then says he was just joking when he says that. He has fixed some things in my house and my car and claims that makes up for not paying any bills or rent.
What I want is to move in together and share all of this. I am financially independent. He makes just as much money as I do. He says I am just money hungry!? I think he has no intentions of committing and is along for an easy ride. What do you think?? We are currently split up right now over this. Any opinions are greatly appreciated!!

Unfortunatley, this is a man who beleives
It sounds as though this man is a free loader. He is behaving in an infantile and irresponsible manner. At age 46 and after dating so long, certainly he should be taking care of at least half the costs and chores, etc. if you want a committed relationship which is respectful to you and equal in all ways, you must ask yourself why you have stayed with him for so long? Patterns do not change, unless a person chooses to really work on themselves with a professional and turn their lives around. It does not sound as though he even recognizes that there is something terribly wrong with this picture. There is.
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