Am I an idiot?? Im the dumper but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Am I an idiot?? Im the dumper but...
3
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 6:16pm
Hi there...new to the boards..thought Id give it a try..hear so many great things about it!!
Well, try to make this short...I havent had a real serious relationship in about 3 or 4 years, and decide to go ahead with a guy who is a friend of mine, at the time only been friends a few months, we figured we'd give it a shot, happens great, if not oh well we tried. He is the perfect guy on paper, everything I wished I had in other guys that they just couldnt give me. But the chemistry just wasnt there like I had with other guys, I think the "friend" thing was always in the way for some reason, there was just no passion. But I tried, for 7 months, and the past few weeks have been going back and forth about what to do, whether to stay together or break up. Decided to give each other some space for a few weeks, see what happens. I realized in the last week that I have been more content being on my own, and not having to make excuses for the lack of passion, but miss having that friend around. Decided to have "the talk" with him this weekend about ending things. Last night was a huge break in his career and my friends and I went because he wanted our support. Things were going well until he purposefully pushed my buttons by being friendly with other women in front of me and saying goodbye to everyone but me. So I decided to end it last night, probably in not the nicest of ways. We both said some mean things, but tried to end it on a somewhat positive note that hopefully we can be friends down the road sometime since we were friends to begin with and we will run into each other at some point since we hang out at the same places and with the same people at times. I guess my problem today is I didnt think that Id be so emotional..Ive been crying and every time I try to talk to someone about what happened I get choked up about it. Did I do the right thing? I was so sure I needed to end things to make me happy and find that chemistry with someone else..but now Im worried I just lost the best thing I ever had!! Thanks for any advice...nice to have an unbiased opinion!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 7:27pm

Hi javabean702 and welcome to the board.


I'm trying to catch up on posts that have gotten missed, so sorry for the delay.


::But the chemistry just wasnt there like I had with other guys, I think the "friend" thing was always in the way for some reason, there was just no passion.


::I realized in the last week that I have been more content being on my own, and not having to make excuses for the lack of passion, but miss having that friend around.


::

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 5:24am
Well, the past few nights Ive been out with friends, and meeting men that I would normally totally go for, but still keep thinking about "him", and actually missing him..something I never thought Id find myself doing. I mean, Im a very attractive, successful woman, I could
walk into a room and strike up a conversation with anyone. I guess now I find myself really wanting to just talk to or be with him. I havent yet spoken to him about it, because I do want to make sure that Im doing the right thing though, and not just based off of current emotions. Hearing these things do you think that Im still grieving or actually believing that I may have liked this person more than I led myself to believe at the time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 8:39am
The human psyche is a strange and wonderous things....you could have liked him more than you thought. Or you could be territorial with the friendship because that's what you really miss the most.