Am I insane? Confused!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2007
Am I insane? Confused!
5
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 7:33pm

Am I INSANE? TO keep this as short as I can...I had a girlfriend that lived with me for 8 months. I met her online. I wasn't emotionally ready to fall in love with her, and we eventually broke up, of course "Staying Friends"...SHe moved out even thought I told her that I had an extra room that she could live in, but I understood it would have been too hard for her. I realize that what I did was wrong, but I cannot change that now. during the 5 months she was out of my home, we still saw each other on a regular basis, more than once a week. SHe was still very much in love with me, and I have to admit I was beginning to fall in love with her. At the end of 5 months, she lost her job, and had no money to pay her rent or bills, so being the ever so valiant "friend" I told her to pack her things and come back and live with me. I took care of her financially until she got on her feet. She also began dating, which again, I really felt as if I had no say in her choices in life. One Sunday morning I laid down on her bed and cried and told her that I had in fact fallen in love with her. SHe was stunned, and of course she grilled me for about an hour or so about the "Timing"...I couldn't deny that I just wsn't ready at the beginning, and told her that the realization of losing her hit me like a ton of bricks and couldn't hold it in any longer. She eventually said that she does love me, but not the way I want her too, but as her best friend. I then began to show her as often as I could to show her I meant what I said. Yes, we did have "Friends with benefits" during this time. It didn't work, and this past month she moved out. SInce she moved out, she keeps dropping by in the morning before she goes to work, "Just to say hi and get a kiss"...??? I have tried to tell her that we really shouldn't see each other for a while, but each time she gets mad, and says, "Now you won't be my friend?"


THis past weekend, while she came over for a day at the pool, she showed me a text message from some guy that she couldn't get rid of, and quite by accident, I scrolled down to the next message, and it said, "I can't get you out of my mind." I was STUNNED to say the least when I realized it was from her boss! He is married, at least 10 years and has a child,and I went ballistic! I said "This is just stupid! Do you have any idea what will happen if he gets caught? You will lose your job!" I could tell I burst her bubble. I said then, "Well, I guess that totally removes any chances of us ever getting back together now." and she did't dissagree...I was hurt as well. SHe soon left after that, in which I did not pursue her to stay. I didn't hear from her the rest of the day, but low and behold, she showed up at my door this morning before she went to work. She tentatively gave me a little kiss, twice, when she got there and then ten minutes later when it came time for her to go...I got two phone calls from her today to tell me she sent me e-mails, both were totally insignificant jokes...??? What the hell is going on here? I have done the research today on Affairs with the boss, and her prognosis isn't looking good at all, and I think this "Boss" planned this whole thing, but I could be wrong, but that doesn't really matter nor is it my point, my point is what is she doing with me? What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 7:53pm

It sounds as though she wants her cake and to eat it too. I get the impression she is keeping you hanging on as a *back-up* plan.

While I know that it hurts to do it, cut off all contact. Do not respond to her calls, texts, or e-mails. Tell her flat out that she is NOT welcome to come by your place in the mornings for anything. She is playing you and you are letting it happen.

LG
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 8:38pm

You seem to think that because you like someone and are dating her, that's a good reason for her to come and live with you. Will you stop toying with this girl already? If you're not ready to love her then that's fine but don't have her LIVE with you and move her whole life to be with you if you're not both in the position to make a SERIOUS commitment to one another. Having to move out whenever you break up with her feels awful. It turns her whole life upside down. Please don't invite a girl to live with you unless you've got plans to spend a long, long time together.

She sounds like an emotional child; she wanders around with guys without a thought as to what's good for her or not. If she were emotionally intelligent, she wouldn't be living with a guy who wasn't in love with her, trying to be friends with him when she finally realized he was, and carrying on with her married boss.

IMHO you can both do better than one another. Consider this road closed and move on to another one. You're both going to continue to confuse one another until you blow up and never want to speak again. Maybe in the future you can come back to being friends but right now, I think you're toxic for one another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2007
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 8:47pm
I think maybe you need to re-read what I wrote.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 8:50pm
I read your post over twice, but thanks for the suggestion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 11:37pm

Welcome to the board mvlc1,


I agree with jm-lg's post about her keeping you as a back-up plan.