Am I insensitive? or is he too sensitive
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Am I insensitive? or is he too sensitive
| Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:17pm |
I've been madly in love with my boyfriend for the past 2 and a half years. We don't normally fight and have never broken up/get back. It's been great... until I realized that I grew very dependant on him. I didn't like to do anything without him, I have lost all of my friends... and most of all... when he is not around... I really don't know what to do with myself. I just sit at home and watch TV.
I talked to him about this... and we mutually agreed that we didn't have to see each other everyday. We dont' live together, but he normally spends the night about 3 times during the week and we see each other all weekend. It was very healthy for a while... he was doing his stuff, and I was going to the gym, catching up with my friends and getting things done...
Just recently, he just opened his own business and has been really busy. We would go for two weeks without seeing each other. I've been trying to help out as much as I could... but sometimes there were some things i couldn't do. Since it's in the inital stages, it's mostly him and his partners right. Once he gets it going, I offered to help in the store without asking for any money.
But in the meantime... I would have nothing to do because he was in meetings and I was at home. By now, I have regained a lot of my lost friends and met a few more new ones. They have been asking me to the movies, dinner, the bar, shooting pool.... anything. My boyfriend is always invited, but he could never make it because of his business. When I try to make plans to see him... he always says "I'm not sure how busy I'll be."
I always tell him WHEN, WHERE and WHO I am going out with. I like to make plans at least a day or two in advance. Just sunday, I went to go watch a show with my friends. he opted not to go. I had bought tickets already and he called me to come over. I told him that I had bought tickets already... but I would miss the show for him... even though I really wanted to watch the show. I ended up going to the show.
Then today, my best friend's birthday dinner is going to be the night before Valentines. I called to ask him what we were going to do for V-day and he said "not sure." We were trying to plan a trip, but everything was tentative. the plan was to go somewhere on friday and come back on sunday. I asked if we could leave after dinner or maybe saturday morning... and then he grew quiet....
I talked to him about this... and we mutually agreed that we didn't have to see each other everyday. We dont' live together, but he normally spends the night about 3 times during the week and we see each other all weekend. It was very healthy for a while... he was doing his stuff, and I was going to the gym, catching up with my friends and getting things done...
Just recently, he just opened his own business and has been really busy. We would go for two weeks without seeing each other. I've been trying to help out as much as I could... but sometimes there were some things i couldn't do. Since it's in the inital stages, it's mostly him and his partners right. Once he gets it going, I offered to help in the store without asking for any money.
But in the meantime... I would have nothing to do because he was in meetings and I was at home. By now, I have regained a lot of my lost friends and met a few more new ones. They have been asking me to the movies, dinner, the bar, shooting pool.... anything. My boyfriend is always invited, but he could never make it because of his business. When I try to make plans to see him... he always says "I'm not sure how busy I'll be."
I always tell him WHEN, WHERE and WHO I am going out with. I like to make plans at least a day or two in advance. Just sunday, I went to go watch a show with my friends. he opted not to go. I had bought tickets already and he called me to come over. I told him that I had bought tickets already... but I would miss the show for him... even though I really wanted to watch the show. I ended up going to the show.
Then today, my best friend's birthday dinner is going to be the night before Valentines. I called to ask him what we were going to do for V-day and he said "not sure." We were trying to plan a trip, but everything was tentative. the plan was to go somewhere on friday and come back on sunday. I asked if we could leave after dinner or maybe saturday morning... and then he grew quiet....
He said he was disgusted... that i cared more about having fun and hanging out with my friends than spend time with him. He said that when I said I missed him, it was all a lie.
I dont know how to feel!!
On one hand, i feel really bad for having so much fun when he's working all the time. I try to make plans with him... but he's never sure. even when he does agree... he bails because he's so tired.
One the other hand... I can't sit around and wait for him all the time for him to be free. I have things to do too....
Any advice? comments? thanks... I apreciate this!

I think you need to have a heart to heart talk. Define what the relationship is and how you feel when he makes those comments and accuses you of lying.
Has he treated you this way before-accused you of anything, put your needs last??
It was his choice to start up a new business that keeps him busy most of the time. Now he has to deal with it. He cannot demand that you stop having fun just because he cannot have fun with you!