Am I jealous or is he being rude?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2007
Am I jealous or is he being rude?
7
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 10:19am

My boyfriend and I moved in together about 8 months ago. We are completely compatable except for this one thing that seems to be ruining our relationship. My boyfriend and I are both really big into video games, and first of all, I guess I should say that I'm extremely small chested. I personally don't have anything against the way my body is but society tells me i'm not attractive because I don't have large breasts. My boyfriend says he loves my chest and wouldn't want anything changes - which was a releif. Until this started. When my boyfriend makes a video game character he always makes them female, if he can adjust the breast size he always makes them as big as possible and then puts them in as little clothing he can get away with I guess. He also saves pictures of large chested video game characters - some of which who are barely wearing clothing on our computer. When I try to tell him that this really hurts me i'm accused of being "jealous" of video game characters. I tried asking him how he would feel if I made my characters male wearing gstrings with massive errections or saved pictures like that of video game characters on the computer how he would feel about it and he says he wouldn't care. "they're just video game characters and drawings. they're not real." His actions make me feel like that he's lied to me about his like of my body and I feel somewhat disrespected. He knows that i've been picked on my whole life for having small breasts and thinks its horrible but he still turns around and does things that make me feel like he agrees with them. The more I try to talk about it with him the more angry he gets and doesn't want to talk about it. I can't sit around feeling hurt all the time - eventually i'll just up and leave and I know that if we could take care of this one issue everything else would be fine. Am I really just being insecure and jealous or is he really being rude?


Thanks.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 10:52am

Both are true, you are insecure about your chest and have been for a long time. And, he is being insensitive to keep this going even though he knows it hurts you. Why would he do that? He may be unconscious of the cruelty involved, but nevertheless, it is wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 10:54am
I'm sorry but I have to say I think you are way over reacting to this. I could understand you being offended if he had pictures of real women like that but a video game character? As for you asking how he would like it if you did the same thing only with the characters having huge erections...I really doubt he would care. I think that he shouldn't do it because you have asked him not to but truly, I think you need to pick your battles better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 12:26pm

Welcome to the board hethe.lauren,


I have to agree with Dr.S, you bf is extremely insensitive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 12:30pm

Hi there hethe.lauren ,


I love small chested and/or flat woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 7:02pm

Let me put it this way

When my guy plays video games where you can make your own character, he makes them have a tiny head with short arms and legs and weigh 350lbs.

Is it because he's attracted to this? No, it's because it's only a game and it's fun to see someone look that way.

Why should he make a character that looks just like you? If he made a brunette and you're blonde, would you still be upset? There's something kind of interesting about pushing the limits on body parts. It doesn't mean he's attracted to them, at all. It just means the "breast size" slider went up to 1000 so why not set it to 1000?

Either that or maybe he's trying to seduce male elves online




Edited 11/14/2007 7:03 pm ET by eggbertshootsfire
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 1:01am

The issue really isn't how he makes his video game characters - it is his complete disrespect for your feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 5:46am

There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend being attracted also to larger breasts, or liking his characters that way. he has made it clear to you that he loves YOUR body, and you are the girl he chooses to be with in real life. people have different likes. honestly I prefer guys with dark hair, but my boyfriend is a blonde. and I love him anyway! imagine that. I really think this is your own insecurity coming out- "he should only be attracted to my body type- before, after, and during our relationship!"


the biggest indicator is how he treats you, and other women in real life as well. does he check out other women in front of you? does he continually disrespect your feelings beyond this one issue? if yes then you have a bigger problem. but it sounds like he has told you he loves *you* just the way you are, so I would take his words at face value. there are plenty of creeps who try to get their girlfriends to have boob jobs and it doesn't sound like he is one of them! focus on accepting yourself and being proud of your body and I think you will view the situation a bit differently.