Am i losing my fiancee, Im terrified she doesn't love me anymore!? Advice Needed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2011
Am i losing my fiancee, Im terrified she doesn't love me anymore!? Advice Needed?
5
Mon, 07-18-2011 - 2:49pm

Im 32 and have been with my fiancee for 4yrs, engaged for one, She is 25 and she means the world to me. Im in a touring band so im gone alot and we both live & are from in NY. Lately she has been very distant from me, She doesn't always come straight home from work that much anymore & when i call her shes always at her girl friends place, Or she has gone to a bar or club with them. We broke up last year for 2months before we became engaged because she told me she hated that i was away alot and couldn't stand the girls talking to me, That i should be with someone who can handle it. I kept tracking her & felt empty without her and we eventually got back together. She is my Inspiration, keeps me grounded and im no good without her. I try to make her come with me more but she cant take alot of time off work. I love when im laying in bed next to her, watching her sleep & when she hugs into me, I cant help but always hold her close when we are out and hold her hand, Other times i just stare at her and cant believe that shes my fiancee. Lately at times when im talking to her on the phone and i tell her that i love her, She never says it back to me, or if i try to hold her she'll smile & move away from me. Our sex life is still amazing & she mostly only tells me she loves me during it, She also has an interest in planning the wedding & keeps asking what our 'song' should be. She has started to spend more time than usual with her friends at our place, even though it would annoy her if our band would have sessions there. The thought of losing her is killing me. What do i do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

So Travis, even though you're on tour w/ your band, you think your GF should come right home from work & stay there alone & be bored instead of having fun w/ her friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Travis, it's a shame that you persuaded her to return to you without fixing the underlying problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
She has told youthat she cant handle you being away too often and nothing has changed ( not saying that you give up a carrer for her either ).You 2 are incompatible in this area.
She is trying to move on from you and once she has , emotionally, break up will be in order.
If you want to keep her , if she is a keeper, you need to make a change
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

In my experience, a woman (or even a human being in general) acts the way she's acting when she's ready to be done with a relationship but doesn't want to go through with the pain of an official breakup.

She has an interest in planning a wedding because it's something that many women look forward to from childhood. She also seems to love sex. But when you really look at it, she's checked out of this relationship emotionally.

She has told you what's wrong with the relationship and it's not something that can change. She is absolutely right that you need to find a woman who can embrace your choice of a career. You should have let her go, and it was really selfish to track her down and coerce her back into a relationship with you. I imagine you used a ring to entice her. If you gave a crap about what SHE wants, you would just let her go, which is what she originally wanted. You're only focused on what YOU need and what YOU want. You don't put up a good argument for yourself when you're not willing to let go of your selfishness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
How does that old saying go? Let her go, if it was meant to be she'll come back...