Am I obsessed?
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| Thu, 05-27-2004 - 7:53am |
I am not asking what to DO - meaning, I don't need advice to leave the relationship until his divorce is over (conventional wisdom.)
My problem is that when I stew over the situation, I get snappy, neurotic and hard to be with. I lately have been telling him how badly I feel that we can't be rid of this divorce/custody situation - in other words, HOW BETTER CAN I BE A SUPPORT but still express my needs?
He is trying his best and the lawyers are doing what they can. But I feel horrible as I've been not as supportive lately as I was about 3 months ago. Tuesday I was told another 6 months of legal battling is on the horizon (its already been over 6 months) and we started to argue (again) and I provoked him to break up with me. (We are not going to do that though.)
How can I SHUT UP and be more supportive? How can I get past what I feel I need and let life simply take its course?
We love each other and I don't want to lose him. Any suggestions?

divorces are not ment to happen...so did you ever think thats why they take so long. if i was the man i would have gotten rid of you so fast if i heard even as much as one word.
first off, shut up about the divorce its none of your business and i really doubt he is the one holding it up. second, if you cant deal then get out of the relationship...
its probably hard enough what he is going through ESPECIALLY if there are kids.and third just remember he will analize this relationship more then any other and if hes see's anything he thinks he should back out of then you will lose him, i can gaurantee that.
i personally dont think you should be with him until he gets the divorce just because its such a stressful time the couple usually cant make it.
good luck
Then you have to separate HIS probems from YOUR problems and OUR problems. You have to get to a space within yourself that doesn't feel HIS problems are taking over your life, your happiness. But rather that being supportive mean you don't try to fix him, offer advice, you listen, ask questions and move on to doing something fun for you or the both of you. Him going through a divorce is not preventing you from being happy, it's how you cope or don't cope with it that is holding you back.
If the frustration doesn't go away, I would suggest you seek short-term cousneling to help you get to the bottom of your feelings.
Reading material:
How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce by Robyn Todd
Carrie