Am I over analyzing his behavior or is this a red flag?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
Am I over analyzing his behavior or is this a red flag?
Tue, 04-29-2014 - 4:35pm

Some of you are familiar with some of my posts.  I have been separated for 3-4 years (almost divorced) and have lived apart all this time.  Entered into a relationship with an amazing man and have been together 3 years.  This seems a little fast, but I happened to meet someone my age (40) with no kids either and who I have a lot in common with and is extremely considerate, giving, attentive, a gentleman, etc.   I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend and been told several times that I'm very lucky to have met such a good catch.  My friends love him, family loves him, he comes from a solid good family (no childhood issues or anything like that).  I can envision a future with him, however, after 3 years together, I am noticing some behavior that I am not sure is normal.  Am I just over analyzing because I was married before and am hypersensitive to potential issues and perhaps just comparing him to my ex?  I wanted some opinions on this, so thanks in advance.

Basically, my boyfriend is easy going most of the time and has a good disposition about him, but he gets stressed out SO easily.  He throws little temper tantrums if he can't find his car keys and says or yells "FUCK"...I can't find my keys and then stomps around the house until he finds them. Then the other day he dropped a 40 dollar bottle of wine on the ground on the way to dinner and it shattered....then I had to hear him yell "FUCKKKK" again and he stayed quiet and angry for like 10 minutes.  Then he missed a meeting with an important client by accident the other morning and he yells "FUCKKKKK" again and then the next 15 minutes of my life are once again walking on eggshells until he calms down or the situation gets rectified.  If I try to help him or offer advice during one of these mini temper tantrums about meaningless things, I usually get some kind of hasty reply or a blatant NO or "I can't talk right now until this is resolved".....Sometimes when we're both cooking in the kitchen together he gets real antsy if I'm in the way of him trying to reach around me for ingredients or if he needs to get into a cabinet I'm standing in front of.  My ex never acted like this and was very patient and extremely laid back.  My boyfriend is just more intense and not as happy go lucky, but this is my only complaint. Otherwise my boyfriend is fine.  He doesn't ever act violent or anything and doesn't come from a troubled childhood.  His Dad and Mom are normal....happily married.  I'm not worried he'll ever hurt me - he's very gentle, but I'm not used to temper tantrums.

Do I just brush this behavior off? I have gotten fired up recently and kind of yelled at him to calm down and that just gets him more miffed.  He comes out of these tantrums quickly, but it's almost everyday he's yelling fuck fuck under his breath about something that goes wrong during the day.