Am I over reacting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Am I over reacting?
2
Sat, 02-09-2013 - 9:37am

Ok. My live in bf decided to go skiing instead of going to my granddaughters 1st birthday party with me on sat Thats ok. We planned to spend Friday evening together and I was going to cook a turkey. After returning from the grocery store for items for dinner he he called to say he was going to head up north early om Friday instead. Meaning he cancelled on dinner and evening with me. He would be gone Friday thru Sunday. It's not bad enough he won't come to my grandchildrenns parties. But he cancelled plans with me. I blew my top and let him know I was upset with him. Am I wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 02-09-2013 - 10:28pm

That would annoy me too if you had made plans to have dinner together and then he canceled after you bought all the stuff.  But I look at this & your other post today plus the other posts you have made before and I just wonder why you stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy?  It seems like your BF gets everything that he wants--he gets to be with you when he wants but he gets the freedom to do things that he wants also--like going skiing and not going to a family event.  I mean I know that going to a 1 yr old's BD party isn't that exciting when you aren't the grandparent but people who are in serious relationships usually support each other by going to these things.  This relationship obviously isn't working out for you but yet you keep staying--why?  Are you that afrad to be alone?  If you keep staying with this guy you give up all chance of meeting someone who you are more compatible with (like someone else who doesn't want to ski on weekends--there are plenty of guys who don't ski).  Consdering you keep staying with him, you really have only yourself to blame when the relationship isn't working out.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 8:06am

mom_lovetodance wrote:
Ok. My live in bf decided to go skiing instead of going to my granddaughters 1st birthday party with me on sat Thats ok. We planned to spend Friday evening together and I was going to cook a turkey. After returning from the grocery store for items for dinner he he called to say he was going to head up north early om Friday instead. Meaning he cancelled on dinner and evening with me. He would be gone Friday thru Sunday. It's not bad enough he won't come to my grandchildrenns parties. But he cancelled plans with me. I blew my top and let him know I was upset with him. Am I wrong?

Yes.

No matter how many times you keep bringing this problem of your incompatibility with this man to this board, the answer will always be the same.  You two are not compatible and you just need to accept that. 

The reason why you are wrong is that you have way more sense than to keep doing this to yourself. You are too old to be acting this silly behind some man.  I'd expect this of a late teenage/early 20-something, not someone old enough to have grandchildren.  The sex cannot possibly be that good that your self esteem is a fair exchange for it.  Surely you feel your worth is more than this level of debasement?  Do you honestly like the woman you have had to become in order to be in a relationship with him?

 He has made it abundantly clear to you that other things are more important than you; he doesn't not want to foot any bills in order to make your life easier.  He doesn't want to include you in any of his activities.

All that I'm left with is that when it comes to how you esteem yourself, you do not feel you are worth better treatment and you do not like being alone with yourself without the distraction of a man, even if he is demonstrating to you that you do not matter to him.