Am i over reacting???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Am i over reacting???
7
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 1:11pm

My live in boyfriend skis. I dont. He announced the other day he wants to go on a week long ski vacation in utah with his friends. I asked to go also but he said i would be alone all day when they are skiing. There will be other couples. I feel so left out. I wouldnt mind a few days but a week long ski vacation? Should i feel this way or am i over reacting? Any advice is appreciated
Best
Nancy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 1:22pm

No, you're not overreacting. Did he actually say he would prefer you didn't go or was he genuinely concerned that you would be bored silly for a few hours a day? Unless you're dating one of the Avengers and he's going on this ski trip with the rest of them, they will not be skiing for 8 hours straight. I don't ski either but I sure did love sipping wine in front of the fireplace at the lodge and getting spa treatments while my former SO did his thing on the slopes. And getting back together to cuddle up afterwards and enjoy laughs with all of your buddies is a great time. You should express that to him and if he still seems reluctant to have you join him, ask him WTF is going on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 1:39pm

Is this a boyfriend that often neglects the relationship for his hobbies?

I would say your feelings are justified.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 3:47pm

mom_lovetodance, you've been complaining about this guy and the relationship for such a loooong time now.  When are you going to accept that he will never meet your needs?

Your guy needs a girl who skis and hikes and loves the outdoors and who doesn't mind being a golf widow.  These girls do exist, but you're not one of them.   Just let him go so that you can both find someone more suitable. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 4:35pm

I agree with TrueBlue on this one--it's like a broken record but yet the same problem re-occurs.  I do on line dating.  I don't ski & I avoid guys who list skiing as one of their major interests--it would be fine if it was an occasional thing.  My exH was one of those occasional skiing guys--he'd go away for a weekend maybe (until we had kids anyway).  Frankly I think you are overreacting.  Really think about this--I'm not familiar with the ski areas of Utah but if they are skiing all day for a week (which they probably will be, or at least most of the time) you are probably going to be bored out of your mind unless there is some other wife or GF there who also does not ski--and even then--the purpose of the trip is skiing.  Would you be happy to sit around the condo or hotel all day reading and being alone?  Will you be resentful when he wants to get up early & ski all day & is then too tired at night to go out?  If it was a weekend, you might amuse yourself by going shopping during the day--but to do that for a week?  I don't mean to discount your feelings, they are what they are--but the fact that he thinks it's fine to go on a vacation for a week without you & you don't want him to do that is just further evidence that the 2 of you are incompatible.  There have been many examples of this so I don't understand why you don't just break up instead of having the same arguments over & over.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 11:07pm

Knowing what we do about your boyfriend, I bet he's the ski till he drops kind of guy.  Out the door when the lifts open and in the door as the last one closes.  

Given your expectations of him, I'd be resonably sure that you'd be wanting him to spend a bit of time with you.  And when you're bored and lonely and he doesn't spend enough time with you, you will want to discuss and negotiate to get your needs met.  And then he'll resent you for taking him away from his skiing.   Trust me, I'm a skiier.

I think that by leaving you at home, he's made exactly the right decision for himself.   He can ski to his heart's content and not be annoyed thinking that he has to consider the non-skiier back in the lodge.

.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 6:44pm

mom_lovetodance wrote:
My live in boyfriend skis. I dont. He announced the other day he wants to go on a week long ski vacation in utah with his friends. I asked to go also but he said i would be alone all day when they are skiing. There will be other couples. I feel so left out. I wouldnt mind a few days but a week long ski vacation? Should i feel this way or am i over reacting? Any advice is appreciated Best Nancy

Did you know he loved to ski like this when you met him or did he just spring this on you this week?

 Do you want to learn to ski and are willing to buy/rent your own kit and take lessons while he's out on the slopes all day?  Do the girlfriends of the other friends ski, too, or will they be doing the snow bunny thing by the fire pit all week? Does the ski resort he's going to have spa facilities? An indoor pool or deck jacuzzi outside? Do they have activities for people other than skiing--like ice skating, sled riding, horseback riding on trails, etc.---things like that? 

If you can go and be resourceful enough to occupy yourself while he's out, then I dont' see why you shouldn't go. It doesn't sound like that's what' going on here.  It sounds like you want him glued to you all week to keep your company and he wants to get out and shred the hills.

Are you saying that because you can't ski that he should not go on a ski trip for a week because other couples will be there?  That's the part that I think is unreasonable.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 6:45am
Haven't you been coming here posting about this same issue for almost a year now? At what point are you going to realize that you two are simply not compatible? You live completely different lifestyles and are passionate about completely different things. You keep asking the same question and you keep getting the same responses - move on already.