Am I overreacting?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Am I overreacting?
6
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 10:51am

Hello

I need some advice.  I’ve been in an exclusive relationship with my BF for a year now.  We’ve had conflicts lately and I don’t know if I am being overly demanding or not.  This weekend he is going away camping with his friends for 3 days, 4 nights.  That is not the issue.  The issue is the last night he had to spend with me before going away, he spent it working on his house and packing.  I was expecting him to want to be with me.  He came to my house to get some things and said he would be back for dinner.  1.5 hours later, I called him and asked when he was coming over for dinner and he said he will be there in 10 minutes.  Well, it turned into 30 minutes.  I went ahead and started eating as it was now almost 8 pm.  He came zooming in and served himself and said he had some people helping him and he couldn’t leave.  I understood.  It was when dinner was over and he announced he was going back to his house to pack more that I got upset with him.  I said “really, you come to dinner and leave when you are going away the next day???”  He said I was controlling and demanding.  Now, am I over reacting here?

Some good advice would be welcome

Thanks and have a great day,

Nanc

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 11:09am
If a person is going camping for several days, I could see a fair amount of packing is involved. So I could see needing to pack the night before if he hasn't already. He must be packed by departure time the next day so he only has so much time to get it done.

I can also understand your desire to want to spend some time with him if he is going away for several days/

I think you both had a lack of communication and differing expectations. You expected him to spend time with you, he expected to pack and get ready. Neither of you communicated this to the other and that lead to the conflict.

Perhaps he could have made sure he was packed the night before his last night with you, but you two would have needed to discuss this ahead of time so he could plan his packing accordingly.

So in the end you were upset he could not spend time with you, but he only has so much time and has a certain amount of stuff to get done, so you could have chalked it up to both of you having to plan this better the next time and let him get his stuff done without the need to cause drama and upset and hurt feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to:
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 3:49pm

This is the same guy you've posted about before, who camps and skis almoste every weekend, and you don't enjoy either activity.  It's still a bad match, with unrealistic expectations on both sides.  You can't change him any more than he can change you--the two of you just want different things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to:
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 8:18pm

Yep, camping requires lots of packing.   I can easily understand that he'd need to pack the night before.   And it's perfectly understandable that he can't stay at your home in the evening while all his mates are packing at his house.

I do understand that you wanted to spend time with him, but it sounds as though he had prior plans with his mates.    Did the two of discuss any of the plans and make agreements ...or did you both just assume that the other person understood the plans?