am i overreacting??
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am i overreacting??
| Thu, 08-26-2004 - 6:00pm |
Now I need to know if I'm overreacting. I have such an issue with my boyfriend even looking at other girls. It really bothers me when I see him looking at another girl because I feel like he should be paying attention to me instead of them. It makes me feel like I'm not enough for him if he has to be looking at other girls instead of me. I've talked to him about this, but it does nothing. I've found out about him going to stripclubs with his friends, from his friends. So is there something to it if he didn't tell me himself? Plus he knew at the time full and well how I feel about it. Last night we were laying in bed with the tv on and we were having a romantic time kissing and cuddling when a girl on tv goes" hey look at my boobs..." so his head jerked up and he stared for a good 20 seconds. So i rolled over and went to bed mad and he got mad that I was mad. Am I overreacting??
P.S. When i talked to him about it once, I said something about how there would probly be so many other prettier girls than me at a bar he was going to and he replied..."Probably."
P.S. When i talked to him about it once, I said something about how there would probly be so many other prettier girls than me at a bar he was going to and he replied..."Probably."

As for this part:
P.S. When i talked to him about it once, I said something about how there would probly be so many other prettier girls than me at a bar he was going to and he replied..."Probably
Don't say or ask questions that you really don't want the answer to. You have to have enough self-confidence in yourself to know you are worthy of a good, healthy, mutually respected relationship. Like for instances, the opinion on stip clubs, differs between you and your bf - he has different values and will make decisions based on those values. You have a case of basic incompatibility as your values differ from his.
Read this:
Seven Signs You Should Run From Your Partner
By Rinatta Paries
The relationship questions asked most frequently are all basically the same. First people will explain certain undesirable behaviors their partners are displaying. Then they'll ask whether they should tolerate these behaviors or whether they are making too big an issue of them.
There are, in fact, certain behaviors that should not be tolerated because they damage and will eventually destroy the relationship.
If you are in a brand-new relationship and your partner exhibits one or some of the behaviors below, you may want to consider walking away. If you stay, you may be getting much more trouble, headache and heartache then you bargained for.
If you are in a committed relationship and are invested in staying, or if you are planning to get engaged or married soon and some of these behaviors show up, try to work through them. Since you have already invested time, effort and your heart into the relationship, the relationship may be strong enough to withstand the necessary change. But hold off on making a deeper commitment to each other until the issues are resolved. Commitment and marriage tend to make issues worse rather than better.
Finally, if you are married, you probably want to do everything possible to save your marriage. If the two of you are dealing with any of the issues below, the most effective way of overcoming them is with outside expert help.
1. Excessive Flirtation
People in committed relationships, even in early committed relationships, should not be flirting with others in a way that makes their partner uncomfortable.
Here is the measuring stick: If your partner tells you about the flirting or you witness your partner flirting and neither of you flinches, the flirtation is OK. Otherwise it is not and you should be rightly bothered. This is, of course, assuming that you are not overly insecure and that you do not view any interaction your partner has with others as flirting.
2. Man/Woman Watching
Some discreet man/woman watching may occasionally be OK. But when it is blatant and intrusive, it becomes a relationship problem. You are not too sensitive if this bothers you. You should not have to learn to get over this and you should not have to learn to tolerate this behavior.
3. Infidelity
Unless you have a workable open-marriage agreement with your partner, you absolutely should not tolerate infidelity. There is simply no excuse for it. Alcohol, loneliness, anger, etc., are not good reasons to get involved with other people when you are in a relationship.
4. Another Relationship
OK, I know people get involved with those who are already in another relationship with the hope that they will "win" and the other relationship will end. But in reality this seldom happens. If you are involved in this kind of a relationship, perhaps it's time to give your partner an ultimatum. Set a drop-the-relationship-date by which your partner will willingly release the other relationship or you.
5. Romantic Contact From Other People
Why would someone in a relationship be getting phone calls, mail or e-mail of a romantic nature from other people? And why would the other person in the relationship tolerate this?
I think often it is because the partner somehow does not place responsibility for what's happening where it belongs -- squarely on the shoulders of the person who is receiving the communication.
If communication is ongoing, it is not accidental or victimization; it is invited and your partner is getting something out of it. To avoid a surge of feedback from those of you who may disagree with this point, let me say that there are now many easy ways to block unwanted communication, both on regular phones, cell phones and e-mail.
You are not too sensitive to feel threatened and to wonder if you are about to lose the relationship or be cheated on. Both may happen next.
6. Frequent Reactive or Angry Behaviors
Almost everyone has a frustrated moment, day or even a week. Life can get very hectic and stressful at times. But, if your partner is reactive or angry most of the time, for an extended period of time, this may just be the way he or she is.
If the two of you have repeatedly tried to problem-solve and yet nothing seems to cool the reactiveness and anger, you may want to ask yourself if you want this on ongoing basis.
7. 'It's All Your Fault'
Every relationship has issues or problems that need to be discussed. For some this happens sooner rather than later. But make no mistake -- this happens in every relationship. In fact, problems are an inherent part of being in a relationship.
However, if your partner categorically refuses to acknowledge and deal with his or her contribution to the problem and instead says in one way or another that it's all your fault, you have a serious problem on your hands. How will you move on and build a deeper relationship if your current problems cannot be resolved?
You are not pushy to ask your partner to deal with what needs to be dealt with. You have every right to ask for an active partner in a relationship.
Carrie
I beleive that it is only human for anyone- man or woman to acknowledge a good looking person of the opposite sex. As the saying goes " just because your on a diet, doenst mean you cant look at the menu",lol, or whatever.But, and this is a big but...there is a tactful way to do it.
What bothers me in your case though, is his reply to your question about prettier girls being at the bar than you. Reason being is number one: your self esteem is way too low. Which, in turn,makes me think people see you as an easy target to be their personnal doormat. Number #2: His obvious lack of respect for you.
You can one of a number of things, but I would recommend this: run, not walk to the door. You are too insecure and he is too disrespectful to the relationship. People on TV...women on TV are no threat to you or your relationship. The sooner you try to come to terms with this, the better. Your BF chooses to be with you.Go to a strip club. You cant even bat an eyelash the wrong way at those girls wihtout being thrown out of there....he lied because he didnt want to fight or hear you accuse them of being preetieer than you. Noone want the responsibilitie of constanly reassuring someone of their love and thats what this relationship has boiled down to.
Take one day at a time and be more sure of yourself and in turn, you will handle everything, including him, better.
If you cannot handle his wandering eye, then move on. No one deserves to be made to feel like there second best either.....
Best wishes,