Am I overreacting???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Am I overreacting???
3
Mon, 12-29-2003 - 9:51pm
My boyfriend and I went on this increidible trip for Christmas days. Our relationship is incredible and we are in love with each other. The problem is that in all the trip we only spent one day alone. All the other days we were hanging out with people we met on the way. I really wanted to spend more time just with him... alone. It was difficult for me to come on this trip because a difficult situation is happening at home. So I expected to spend more time just with him and since that didn't happen I was a little dissapointed and mad. I talked to him and he said that he wanted to spend time with the guys and with me too, at the same time. And since we are planning to live together since january, he doesn't see a problem in that. Now tell me please, do you think I'm overreacting? Was it wrong to get mad?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 9:53am

Well, I think it is foolish and unproductive to get mad.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 10:38am

It's not a matter of whether it's right or wrong to get mad. If you get mad, that is a feeling coming up in you. It's there and you need to recognize it, feel it, and understand what it's saying to you. What you do about the feeling is another matter. It might not be such a good idea to let it out onto someone, or to vent just to get it off your chest. It's better to take time to understand the entire picture. Clearly, you wanted more personal, intimate time with your boyfriend and didn't want to share him with others as much. Do you have enough of this intimate time in your relationship outside of the trip? Is there an ongoing problem for you? If so, try to arrange for more of it on an ongoing basis. Or, let him know in

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:59pm
Sounds like you both went on this trip with different expectations. Too bad you didn't have a discussion before you went on the trip something like - hey, you know x, x and x is happening at home and on this trip I think I need some alone, close, intimate time with you - like out of x# of days, I need x# of those to be just you and I, hanging out, being lazy, sleeping in, sight seeing (whatever your plans were). Or even during the trip, I think you could have said, hey, yesterday we spent our time with so-and-so, tomorrow can we spend the day ALONE? It's really important to me.

For instance, my boyfriend has a coworker that asked us to go to Mexico between Hannakuh and Christmas, share a house with a bunch of people we don't know (execpt the one guy and his family) maybe camp out on the beach. Well, I knew how important it was for him to go, so I agreed as long as I didn't have to share all our time with these people. He knew it was important to me. And as it got closer to the trip time and the weather turned much colder, we ended up renting our own house so we didn't have to camp on the beach (yeah). We were one beach away from these people and we ended up not seeing them one time the entire vacation. It was heaven.

So, think about why you are mad....mad that you didn't speak up, mad that he didn't just *get it* without you explaining your needs? He's not a mind-reader. You both have expectations and needs that you both want met and the easiest way to do that is to communicate. So yes you are upset because you wanted things to go differently, but to be mad at him won't solve the problem. You will have to let go of the anger, recognize that things could have worked out differently and take responsibility for your part in the situation.

Sorry for your pain and all you are going through at home. Maybe plan a quiet night together this weekend for New Year's to make up for it.


Carrie