Am I overreacting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Am I overreacting?
23
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 3:26pm

Hi,


I need unbiased advice about what my relationship!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 3:46pm

You're six months pregnant, but you don't need him to feed you and bathe you. It would be nice of him to be considerate of your feelings, but it would also be nice of you to be a little understanding too. He's going to be a father in three months and a weekend away actually sounds like a good idea for him. It sucks that you can't drink alcohol but that's biology and you're doing what you have to do in order to be responsible for the new life you're in charge of.

The part that really bothers me though is the drug use. If his drug use is still causing problems then WHY are you marrying him?? That will only make things worse. When it comes to things like that it's really essential that you put your foot down and tell him that you will not tolerate drug use. I kind of wonder what drugs you mean but with a baby on the way I really hope it's nothing serious. You are playing a dangerous game marrying this guy who needs to have drugs in his life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 4:34pm

"but he doesn't seem to care how I feel about it and he's made no adjustments to his plans.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 4:48pm

I am 26 and he's 24.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 5:08pm

There is more to a relationship than just love.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 5:20pm

"It's not that I expect him to to cater to me like the other person who replied to my post assumed"

I'm not assuming you want him to cater to you, but I am pointing out that six months is not generally debilitating-ly pregnant you can take care of yourself so while you don't NEED him around... you are just stating a preference. I understand that you want him to take your feelings into account and I don't blame you, he really should. I don't agree that taking them into account means backing out of his plans, but if you want a mature man then I don't know what to tell you... This is a guy you say has been "partying for years" and the sad fact is that being a father is not a sobering experience for all men. For a lot of them, they fall back into infancy themselves. I'm sure that is not a surprise to you.

Now that you have posted more on this situation, I feel differently about it - it seems that this party is not the problem itself but a SYMPTOM of the problems that you are already facing. Unfortunately... They are very substantial. And I'm willing to go so far as to say that this man is a poor choice for a father. Although you cannot go back in time and undo that, you still have time to decide if this man - the way he is, not the way you want him to be - is likewise going to make a poor husband. I really don't think he has his crap together enough to be the right person for you. I hate to say it but it sounds like you're going to be the mature one here. As a woman carrying a baby, you cannot afford not to be. He can do whatever he pleases and I actually think it's kind of sad that he chooses to spend money on drugs when he's going to be a dad in three months. I thought maybe the trip would be good for him to take a couple of days to himself but a) NOT IF HE IS NOT WORKING AND CONTRIBUTING FINANCIALLY and b) NOT IF THE MONEY IS BEING SPENT ON DRUGS AND ALCOHOL!!

I'm sorry but it sounds like you have a loser on your hands. It's ok to complain because I think you have every reason to. Just know that this tiger already has his stripes, and if being responsible for another human being doesn't change them then nothing will.

Good luck, I think you'll have to be strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 5:40pm

Thank you for your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 6:34pm

>>Not to mention - wouldn't being at Myrtle Beach with lots of beautiful half naked women around while he's getting drunk and high be the perfect time to cheat on

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 7:44pm

Welcome to the board sjboyer25,


Doesn't sound like he's ready to act a little more mature.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 8:42pm

I put nothing past no man...


I know that's a horrible out look, but I can't help it.


He'll lie and use drugs behind my back so what's the difference?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 11:53am
Atta girl - you've made him Guilty until proven Innocent based on a completely fictional story.

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