Am I a rebound?
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| Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:48am |
The problem is I can't get his ex-gf out of my system. They dated for almost 10 years. When all her friends started to get married, she wanted to also but he wasn't ready. When they broke up, she put him through hell ... actually, I heard she did that throughout the relationship but he was never one to fight with the lady. In fact, it wasn't like he didn't want to marry her, he just wasn't ready. When she gave him the ultamatum, he unwilling put a deposit on an engagement ring ... but was never able to go through with it. Couple of months later, he found out she was dating a 'friend' ... the one he wasn't allowed to meet when they were dating.
Four months later, he bumped into me again. After dating for a couple of months, he proposed to me. I feel like a rebound and can't get over his previous relationship. Everytime I see the ring he gave me, I can't help but think of the one he bought for her. When he tells me he loves me and would do anything for me ... I can't help but to imagine he said those words to her. WHen I see thier pictures, I can't help but to think they look perfect for each other. When we talk about her, he still talks highly of her although he promises me he'd never contact her again. Should I have anything to worry about or should I proceed this relationship and assume it's healthy.

I agree that this is a rebound just by definition. He got involved too fast, too quick. How often does he talk of her? Why have you seen her pictures? It might be up to you to be the rational one here and slow things down. Talk to him about dating for a while before talking about marriage again.
I went through a similar situation. He was recently separated and about to be legally divorced. Their relationship was over-she cheated on him with his co-worker- but he was still too angry to move on and we moved really fast. Eventually he freaked out and left me abruptly totally breaking my heart.
Carrie
I think he is very much in love with you and wants to marry you. YOu should be very happy.
So be happy and good luck in your future marriage with him!
What you said about him being over her ... I guess that is the problem ... I sometimes don't think he is.
I'm recently unemployed and just started my job search. A month into my search, he offered (even after he promised me he won't contact her anymore) to see if I wanted him to contact his ex for her help since she has a good network.
I mean he's probably asking out of good heart and I honestly appreciate it but I can't help but to wonder if he has other motives.
When him and I first started, he immediately called his ex for coffee. He said he wanted to close his chapter with her by telling her about me. I think he also wanted to confirm and hear it from her that she was now dating the 'friend (he was never allowed to meet)'. During their meeting, he disclosed some of MY personal feelings to her. I was really outraged when he told me he told her. I asked him why he would want to tell her such personal things about me to her and his reply was, 'I wasn't thinking'. It appears she still has a great influence on him and is able to still manipulate him to tell/do things. I was very hurt that he could betray my secrets to her.
Well, he talks about her often. I'm recently searching for a job and he offers to contact her since he claims she has an amazing network. When we're at a candy store, he happens to make reference about what a health nut his ex was. Then he goes and saying that's why we shouldn't introduce junk food to our kids so soon if we want to eat healthy ...
So you see, little small daily things elicit thoughts about her. I'm divided. Are those thoughts healthy? I mean he did spend the last 10 years with her. Even if she was a friend, he'd be making reference about her. Or does he really miss her and is still attached to her?
There's also a monkey wrench to our story. They share the same group of close friends. So when they have gatherings, they're bound to bump into one another. And I'm sure thier friends will talk also e.g. telling him about her, etc.
And thanks for your advice. I totally agree. Since I'm not sure if I'm a rebound or not ... I've post-poned the wedding for the end of next year. Just so we have enough time to really rediscover each other. My parents divorced when I was very young. I don't want to repeat that mistake.
Right before we bumped into each other again, he said he had thoughts of me and spoke to his friends about it. His friends called him crazy but he was still determined ... he said somehow, he just knew ... even before we met (again).
And you're right, this guy is a saver. He saves everything. He used to be a photographer so he took many pictures of girls ... not to mention the guys too. hum ... should I be worried about something else ... j/k ;)