am i ruining my relationship???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
am i ruining my relationship???
4
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 4:47pm
hi everyone, i don't know what my problem is really. i've been in love with my current bf for about 5 years now, and we've only been together for over a year. when we got together i was ecstatic. at the time though i had fallen for another guy but b/c he(my bf)was the one i wanted for so long, i tried to forget about this other guy, and it was hard. my bf and i went through some rough times b/c he knew about the other guy before we got together. my bf is so good to me. he's my best friend, the only person who understands me. he's always there for me, with no complaints. yet i don't think i can fully love him anymore. i always knew that i loved him and i still feel that i do but i can't help but feel that we're not right for each other. all of our friends think we're perfect for each other, and i though that we were, but i keep having these feeling for that other guy and it's been more than a year....just so u know, the other guy goes to school with me, and my bf goes to another college. he's transferring to my school coming fall, and now i feel really nervous and scared. i've found out through mutual friends that this other guy has feelings for me but he's also in a relationship. his gf is very jealous and he isn't allowed girl friends, so i can't really get in touch with him, and also they live together. i know i'm wasting my time by having feelings for someone who i can't possibly have but i feel like it's ruining me. a friend of mine told me that maybe it's not that i'm wanting this other guy, but that i'm wanting to experience other people (fyi, my bf is my first relationship). i just feel terrible, especially since i haven't old my bf how i'm feeling now, again, and the fact that he's coming to my school makes me feel worse. if anyone has advice, please help me..thankz
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 9:32pm
So, if you found out today that this other guy had broken up with his girlfriend and wanted to be with you, honestly, would you go for it? You have to tell the truth. If the answer is yes then you must be in the wrong relationship. It's not fair to your bf to stay if he is not the one you really want.

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 8:29am

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:14am
You wanted your current boyfriend for years and now that you have him you don't want him anymore. Now you want another guy who isn't available. Could that be it? That you want want you can't have?

It could very well be that you want to date more. And you should at your age. If you feel that you 2 aren't right for each other then let him know.

Also, think about this. A man who is attracted to a girl who won't let him have female friends and is very jealous has his own issues and may not make the best boyfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 10:39am
it's strange though, i do love my bf very much. i'm not really sure if i would leave him for this other guy b/c i don't know this other guy well enough. and u are right, he may have his own issues with his current gf. i just felt bad b/c i have feelings for this other guy and i'm in another relationship that i don't want to leave but maybe i should. IN a way i've always been like this, in that i always want what i can't have. don't get me wrong, my bf knows about this other guy, he's known for quite awhile that's why we've gone through so many rough times, but my feelings for this other guy had calmed down and so i just let it go. i don't want to hurt my bf and i know i'm hurting him now and he doesn't even know it. something about him feels so right, but just that little feeling that i can't quite put my finger on feels like we're not right is what bothers me. with this other guy, it's just a really good feeling i get when he's around. this may sound strange but it's like i can smell him coming. it's just a feeling i get from him that i don't get from my bf and i feel like i need that, like it's a problem or somehting.

but i do think i should be dating more b/c i don't know anything else. who knows maybe this guy is not for me, but maybe eveyrone is right, i will try to talk to my bf and let him know ow i feel, but with him transferring to my school, he won't have a problem with that b/c although he's coming partially b/c i'm there, he's coming for himself. thanx for the advice ;)