am I too overbearing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
am I too overbearing?
1
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:06pm
So here's my story.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. For the first 4 months, we were inseperable. From friday night till monday morning. That was his doing. I told him that we should take it slow but he wanted to see me every minute.

4 months into the relationship he became depressed, which has happened in his past. I was there right by his side the whole time. I even took time off work to be with him cause he wasn't working. At the end of the summer, he started going out drinking with his cousin, or brother, or friends. The next day he would feel horrible, and need my sympathy. He became very angry and cold throughout this ordeal. He would get angry at me every time I would bring up the fact that we don't even see each other on the weekends. When I first met him, he was living with his sister and brother and sleeping on the couch. Recently, they bought a house and moved in with their parents. When we first started dating, I would come over after work and sleep over on the couch with him, it sounds uncomfortable, but it wasn't. He would always say we'll spend more time together when we move into the house, but it's been 2 weeks since they've moved in and I haven't even seen it.

He recently started working with his brother's hockey team, and they have a practice or a game practically every day. He said he's going to be really busy with that. Last week was my birthday, and the day before we got into a really big fight, and he basically said that we should take some time apart. That really hurt me. On my birthday he took me out and we had a great time, he said he didn't know if he even wanted a break.

He has a really bad temper problem, and he gets angry every time I mention that I feel like he doesn't want to spend time with me or make time to see me. I've always thought the weekends are supposed to be spent with your SO, but he says we were together 24-7 for the first 4 months. This weekend is Thanksgiving, and he just told me he's been invited to a family friends place. I asked him if I was invited, and he blew up. He said it wasn't his place to invite me, because they only invited him. I told him I just feel unwelcome and he doesn't invite me anywhere with him anymore.

What is going on with him? Or does he not even care? Am I being overbearing? I know I can be, but I just feel like I'm losing him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:34pm
Too much too soon. Your gut feeling of going slow was right on. The first 4 months are basically, 'I can't get enough of you, I want to spend every moment with you, infatuation.' Then things change, the personality traits that were hidden, now come out and you have to 'reveiw' the relationship and make adjustments.

Let him miss you. Stop calling, stop asking when you are going to see each other, let him come to you. Start having a life of your own, make plans with your friends and family. It's not that you are overbearing, it's that he's feeling smothered right now.... let the two of you adjust.


Carrie