Am I wasting my valuable time?
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|Thu, 05-29-2003 - 2:01pm|
Am I wasting my time, being too analytical, hypersensitive, and becoming someone who I don’t’ want to be, such as being crafty and worrying about every little detail?
My boyfriend (30) and I (25) have been dating for ten months now. He started living with me when we were dating for a couple of months, since he was jobless and homeless; so our relationship quickly got serious. As many of my friends and relatives say, he was a freeloader and took advantage of me. But I liked him so much (still do), was head over heals and therefore was happy to take care of him. He is my first love and perhaps that is why I am making wrong decisions, such as deciding to continue this relationship.
He has recently moved out of town and I see him about every two weeks and talk to him every day. With this long distance relationship, we seem to enjoy each other more, the fact that we aren’t together 24/7. We both are just so happy when we’re together; we fit like hand and gloves! And I believe he’s realized what a wonderful girlfriend I am (not to sound arrogant) and that he is very lucky to have someone like me.
Here’s a problem: I found out a lot of information from reading his diary and email. I’ve known his “secrets” for about six months now. I’d find negative adjectives with my name, and great words with other girls’ names. And he was planning to invite his other girl to the States at the time; basically keeping her in the circle while dating me. I guess things got more serious than he expected with me, so I’m the only one on his list for now.
Knowing that he definitely wasn’t 100% committed to me, I still treat him like he’s the best. He’s told me that he could not commit to marriage, and the worst thing he’d ever do to me is breakup with me. My excuse is that this warning to me was a “while” ago, and I keep seeing things get better and therefore think that there may be a chance. Chance that he may ask me to move and live with him? Chance that someday he’ll ask me to marry him?
So am I wasting my time thinking that he’ll someday love me like I love him? If I know that I’m not the “one,” is it silly that I continue dating him (long distance) no matter how much I like him?
Thanks so much,
Acting Like There’s no Tomorrow, Washington, DC