Hello, I need to know if I'm wrong here. I've been going out with this great guy for 6 months now and things are becoming more and more serious. We love each other and have a lot of fun. The problem is that is ex-girlfriend, who he has left 4 years ago is still around. They've been together for 8 years and decided to remain friends after the break-up. I think it's nice to be able to do that, but the thing is she is more than a casual friend that he talks to once in a while. She calls him almost everyday, even at work (something I am not allowed to do) and insists on seeing him once a week or every other week. She often calls early on the morning while I'm sleeping over at his place or in the middle of diner. Now the last thing I learned: she still hangs out with his mom, inviting her to the theater once in a while! This makes me feel like I have to compete to convince his mom that I'm actually greater than her and the best choice for him. *sigh*
I have not met his ex yet. I keep telling him that meeting her could help, but he's scared of introducing us 'cause he thinks I'll be mean to her (c'mon! I'm 28 years old!). When I tell him that I'm uncomfortable with the situation, that he should set some boundaries for her not to cross, he looks at me like I'm strange and not understanding. I know they are not getting back together ever, so this is not pure jealousy on my part, but I feel she's the kind of person who needs to maintain some grip on their ex and he is allowing her to do it. Am I wrong here? Am I a mean person with jealousy issues? Should I be happy that he has a great relationship with his ex and be okay that she's still somehow "part of his family"(she hangs with his sister too!)?
There are so many red flags her:
1) She calls him almost everyday
2) insists on seeing him once a week or every other week.
3) She often calls early on the morning while I'm sleeping over at his place or in the middle of dinner.
4) I have not met his ex yet.
The relationship between her and his family - there is nothing you can do about that.
5) he's scared of introducing us 'cause he thinks I'll be mean to her (c'mon! I'm 28 years old!).
This tells me that his opinion of you is not a good one.
6) When I tell him that I'm uncomfortable with the situation, that he should set some boundaries for her not to cross, he looks at me like I'm strange and not understanding.
That's because he's ok with the situation as it is. Maybe he likes the attention. Or likes that she is emotionally attached to him and dependent on him. This tells me that his ex's feelings are more important to him then yours are. She's too dependent upon him emotionally (calling everyday, meeting weekly or every other week) that means to me that she's too attached. He doesn't see that boundaries are necessary, but they are.
My best to you.
Carrie