Am I wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Am I wrong?
1
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 2:05pm
My husband and I just blew up at each other and I need to know if I should say I'm sorry or wait for him.

First of all, I'm 9 weeks pregnant, and my husband has a job where he's gone all of the time. Most of the time his trips are voluntary, since it's extra training for him. I already knew he'd be gone for the first 3 months of next year, and then I find out he's going to be gone the first two weeks of December. I'm okay with this part because this was already planned before I got pregnant. It's not fair for him to have to change his plans.

But today he came home and told me he's going away for a few weeks in November. This trip was totally up for him decide, and he told them he'd go before consulting me. Now he'll be gone every month until the baby is born. Part of me feels like he's doing this so he won't have to be around, although I know it's not true. He told me he'd cancel it, but I'm still upset that he didn't consider asking me first.

What should I do??? I really need an outside perspective and fast!

~ Amanda
  

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: chrysalis1623
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 2:27pm
I think you two need to sit down and have an adult discussion about your marriage, your upcoming child's birth, and the future you both envision for your family. You both need to know what the other is thinking along those lines. No confrontation is necessary, no arguing or yelling or "blowing up." I know this will not be easy for you, being pregnant, when your hormones have minds of their own. You should explain this to him also. Don't expect him to know what's going on in your body or your head. Communication is ESSENTIAL in creating a successful happy marriage. It will be very difficult for you with him being gone so much. Do you have family or friends that could help you out? It's wonderful when a man can be totally involved in his wife's pregnancy, but you knew what your husband's job and travelling schedule were before you got pregnant. Did you think he would change all that when you became pregnant? Did he say that or was it just a hope or assumption you made? Possibly he is trying to get these trips in *before* the baby is born and plans to cut back afterwards, but you need to ask that. Possibly he has your finances in the forefront of his mind (if the travelling advances his career and therefore your income). You need to try very hard to sit down and talk to one another, for the sake of your marriage, and the sake of your unborn child and the family atmosphere he or she is being born into. Pride never helped a relationship grow and be strong, meaning you should apologize if you feel sorry for things you said or did, not hold out for him to apologize out of pride. Again, communication is vital here, and that can't happen when you're holding a grudge or giving the silent treatment (which never really helps any situation get better, only wastes precious minutes, hours and days of one's life). Best wishes.