am i wrong to be so mad???
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am i wrong to be so mad???
| Sat, 10-11-2008 - 12:18pm |
last night dh and i were out at a bar...my db and his gf were there, all was good, we had a great time...just before we left, gf and i were talking across the bar from dh and she yelled over to him, you better show up tomorrow to watch the game(this was an invite to us to meet back at the bar for the football game the next night) he yells back and i know he was kidding "do i have to bring my wife"....i threw him the bird...it hurt me and a little embarrassing....i know he was kidding and i am sure everyone else in the bar was too...but componded w/the alcohol, i was fuming....i did not say a word all the way home and neither did he but when we pulled into the driveway(cuz i didn't want to cause a fight while driving) i said to him that he was doing real well til he said "do i have to bring my wife" .he was like f this, you are letting the alcohol blow it up..i said, no, think about those words and how it sounded..!! well, i yelled a little he was like, where are you sleeping ...i know what he was getting at...i said in my own bed!!! we have a camper outside...he went out but came right back in, don't know why....i went right to bed, was sick...literally, but not a word about it since...i am mad....he had a problem saying those two words "i'm sorry" this recently happened when i was mad about something he said and i said to him alls you have to do is say your are sorry and things are good...he would not...says that i was making a big thing of nothing...what do you thinK//

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Welcome to the board cedar04,
I think you need a new approach.
It was not nothing because it hurt you. Your feelings need to be respcted and he has to learn not only how to say I'm sorry, but to develop sensitivity to the way you feel. If all he needed to do was say I'm sorry and he refused to, then it seems as though he wanted to keep the anger and fight going. His refusal to take responsibility for his behavior is childish and can also be hurtful. This is an area that needs work in your marriage. Tell him that you will not accept this kind of behavior from him. .that he needs to learn how to consider your feelings if he wants the relationship to work. Take a stand. Step up to the plate. Create boundaries and standards and you will be able to let go of the anger and develop more self respect.
Best wishes,
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I'm sorry but he gave her an ego boost at your expense - that is only my opinion.
Oh - I didnt realize you were married for 23 years - sorry.
However, if he does this repeatedly, and you get so mad, and denies you your right to feel hurt..at this stage in your marriage I guess only counseling would help.
Based on your assessment of the situation, I think you over-reacted. The alcohol likely played a part in it, for both of you. It doesn't sound like your H meant to hurt you, and your tyraid of F bombs was quite out of line. I'd say you are lucky to have a relationship that includes playful banter after 23 years, because you could have an H that would REALLY rather go out without you.
I say you should rethink your position, as it sounds like you may be already doing.
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