ambivalence
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ambivalence
| Sat, 02-21-2004 - 3:57pm |
I have lately discovered a reaccuring issue in the relationships that are important to me, and value. It appears that I am a "ambivalent man" After the heat/glory of newness of the relationship calms down, and we reach the point where we truly start to get to know the other person, I find that the i become well, ambivalent.. my emotions get confused and i find myself unsure about what i want and begin to distance my self in the relationship. this distance after some time creates friction, the other person attempts to discuss, or address the issue in regards to how the feel about 'how things are'
At this point, I dont really want to address it, or acknowledge that the issue. Whether it's fear of taking responsibilty, or perhaps fear of being honest with these emotions I'm unsure. By not addressing the situation, or truly looking at it, after some time, the relationship begins to fade, and the other person begins to pull away as well. This leads to an inevitable break up. At that point the other person usually feels that they have waited or tried and after much time, have simply given up. This doesnt happen in every relationship I've been in. Though I do see this as a reaccuring pattern that has occured in the lose of two wonderful relationships. After having similiar tell tale signs happen again, i felt that the problem somehow was me, and needed to find out more.
I came across a book that addresssed the issues of dating an 'ambivalent man'
How they often withdraw at a certain point in the relationship, and find themselves torn in regards to how they feel about the person they are with. This hit the nail on the head, and sounds like it may be a sure fit. It stated the problem was a fear of commitment, I would have never imagined that within me. I adore being in a commited relationship, and im not afraid of relationships, or being with just one person.
So I find myself asking, If I am an "ambivalent man" where or how is there a fear of commitment. Where do I even begin in trying to understand?
At this point, I dont really want to address it, or acknowledge that the issue. Whether it's fear of taking responsibilty, or perhaps fear of being honest with these emotions I'm unsure. By not addressing the situation, or truly looking at it, after some time, the relationship begins to fade, and the other person begins to pull away as well. This leads to an inevitable break up. At that point the other person usually feels that they have waited or tried and after much time, have simply given up. This doesnt happen in every relationship I've been in. Though I do see this as a reaccuring pattern that has occured in the lose of two wonderful relationships. After having similiar tell tale signs happen again, i felt that the problem somehow was me, and needed to find out more.
I came across a book that addresssed the issues of dating an 'ambivalent man'
How they often withdraw at a certain point in the relationship, and find themselves torn in regards to how they feel about the person they are with. This hit the nail on the head, and sounds like it may be a sure fit. It stated the problem was a fear of commitment, I would have never imagined that within me. I adore being in a commited relationship, and im not afraid of relationships, or being with just one person.
So I find myself asking, If I am an "ambivalent man" where or how is there a fear of commitment. Where do I even begin in trying to understand?
