Anger Issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2010
Anger Issues
6
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 2:29pm

I have been in a relationship for two years now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: alita200
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 2:37pm

alita, you're going to hate my answer because it amounts to "walk away".

But you grew up in a home with volatile anger from your father. From the beginning of the relationship you have seen anger problems in your boyfriend but you stayed anyway. You stayed in spite of what was best for you, and now his anger is directed at you.

When he says you deserve better, he is right. You may see a future with him but that future includes a lifetime of blowups and apologies that mean less and less as the years go on.

I think it's time you accept that this problem is not going to be resolved, and the best thing you could have done for youreslf would have been to break up with him earlier. Yes he feels horrible, yes he apologizes, but it doesn't change anything. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that his "storms" are tolerable just because he tries to smooth things over afterward. No one is 100% evil, he may have wonderful traits but since you grew up in a house full of anger, "anger issues" are NOT a trait you should tolerate in a partner. It should be a deal-breaker. Do you want your daughter growing up in a household like yours?

I hope the answer is no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: alita200
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 3:23pm

The future you are going to have w/ him is basically what you see now, except it might get worse.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: alita200
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 5:31pm
I agree with undercovercrab and musiclover. You are with him because you are familiar with anger by growing up with your father. You need to do you own personal work if you don't want to keep being attracted to angry men. He won't change and you won't until you work on your core family-of-origin issues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to: alita200
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 5:47pm

I agree 100% with what has already been written.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: alita200
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 12:24am

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with everyone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: alita200
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 2:22pm
I also feel your childhood has a big part in your choosing of him. You are repeating what you've always known. You can break this.

"Are You the One for Me?" by Barbara D'anglis goes into how we choose out partners and what childhoods have to do with it all.