Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 12:46am

Sorry I can only respond this way with a new post, 'puter troubles.  I wonder if this isn't very similar to my DH's issue.  He lies.  He hides things.  He's deceptive in lots of ways.  He learned it as a kid, to lie to stay out of trouble with his abusive father.  Our therapist told me last week he does indeed sometimes do these things deliberately to sneak something past me if he really wants something.  But she also says at times she believes being deceptive has become a part of his PERSONALITY by now and that means he sometimes just DOES IT without me even being a blip on the radar, and odds are he may never totally be able to stop doing it.  It's done major damage and trust toward him is very dicey anymore.  Maybe it's similar with your guy - maybe it depends on whether it's a part of who he IS by this time....or maybe it's a matter of seeing a therapist to work with him to stop lashing out at you.  Therapists can usually cut to the chase pretty quickly and if it's determined it's a behavioral problem, with help he should be able to stop with the anger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 1:32pm

I believe that my ex H was like this.. We were married for 9 years before it all took its toll on me... He would get angry for no apparant reason and then yell at me. The verbal abuse was torture and there was always something to be mad about.. If the tv didnt work he would blame it on me. He blamed alot on me but I took it personally.. I would get very frightened when he did this but I knew it wasnt my fault or problem. After many years I left because I was a total mess and although ex did try to get help and attend anger management and all it didnt last. It would last awhile but then he would go back to his regular ways.

I remember when I had been out of the house I started to study this type of behavior because it was fascinating to me and I came ot the conclusion that my ex had alot of major mental issues that I never really saw. He did some crazy things and sometimes they werent legal so I do blame it on his childhood. He was always trying to get away with things like probably when he was a kid. He lied alot and made up stories and I really think now after all of these  years being out he is somewhat sociopathic..

So its a very tight rope to be on and deal with these characters. I for one am glad I am out and its been years. I wouldnt wish this type of person on anyone but that is me but at times my past still frightens me..

Take Care