Angry boyfriend....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2011
Angry boyfriend....
12
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 9:33am

I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 6 months now. Everything was great for a while. REALLY great. But, I'm starting to see a different side of him. I still love him whole heartedly, but his attitude and anger problems are starting to get to me. And I don't know how to deal with it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 10:48am

It doesn't matter that he has bipolar disorder, whether he does or not. It is not your problem to fix. There is no justification or rationalization for treating you poorly. You want to immerse yourself in "why" because you don't want to accept that this relationship has to end. You want to look for reasons WHY it is bad so that you can fix them and have the relationship you want.

You can't. Human beings don't work that way. It doesn't matter why he is the way he is; what matters is that you are not in a relationship that can make you happy. Living with someone who has anger issues (I'm not going to call it "bipolar disorder" because he has not been diagnosed by a professional) is like being held hostage. Free yourself from this relationship and stop thinking about fixing something that you cannot fix.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sat, 08-20-2011 - 5:06pm

In the words of Tina Turner's song what's love got to do with it? I spent 10 years with a man who had anger issues and never knowing what would set him off.He blew up

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 08-20-2011 - 1:08pm

Thanks, Fissatore!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 11:37pm

This guy may, or may not be bi-polar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 9:46pm

Since bipolar does run in families, I wouldn't be surprised if he had it too. I wonder--do his dad & brother get treatment & take medication or do they just continue the reign of terror?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 5:17pm

Alana I agree with the others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 4:54pm
It doesn't matter if the other poster's ex worked through his anger issues. He blew his chance to be with her in a healthy relationship, and so now he doesn't get to be a part of her life.

6 MONTHS of dating this guy - it is so NOT your responsibility to help him figure out his anger issues, and guess what? Trying to talk to him about his problem, which he will probably deny having, will most likely make him angry....

I know, because you're already in the habit of forgiving him again and again, that you will be stubborn and try to fix this. The only person you can change is yourself. And you are changing - into someone who will take the emotional and mental abuse to stay with a guy who they've only known for 6 months.

Please remove yourself from this relationship - it isn't healthy, and could lead to more serious abuse. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells - a real partner is one you can be your true self around, who you don't have to change for to be with, but makes you want to be the best version of yourself. This guy is already trampling on you and your confidence. He is already putting you in situations where you have to accept the blame for his emotional issues.

And you know what? You do know on some level that you don't want this in your life. You're just afraid of doing what's best for YOU, because you feel it would be giving up on HIM. But the only person you can save is YOU, not HIM. He is his own burden. And YOU cannot carry that for him. The only thing you CAN do, is walk away, and begin to repair the damage he's done to you. For you to be "handling" this so early in a relationship, is to be hooked, and it will take effort to unhook yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2011
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 11:29am

Sometimes I feel that my boyfriend has bipolar disorder. Both his father and his brother have it. I so badly want to talk to him about it and help him, but I don't bring up in fear of him getting angry. After every argument we have, I ask him if we can just sit down and talk instead of losing our temper next time. And it just never sticks with him. I feel like he can't control his anger whatsoever. Did you ever try talking to your ex about his anger? How did it turn out? Because I am always so tempted to bring it up to him, but I'm not sure how it will turn out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 11:25am
I have read just the title and first sentence and that too half way because that info is enough. You are seeing the real him.Thats how his temprament /personality is.

Dating is all about knowing a person and you have seen him. Continue if you like or leave if you dont.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 11:19am

I only had to read the first paragraph of your post to know what I would find further down.

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