angry DH

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
angry DH
1
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 9:45pm
Hi,

DH and I were married in 2000 and it is my second marriage. My first marriage was to a controlling and abusive man and I am very sure that colors this relationship.

This marriage has been much much better than the first one, for the first 3 years it was extremely loving and close. He did have a problem with inconsistent anger, and we saw a counselor, who referred us to a Dr. who put DH on antidepressants. The change was very dramatic and things went back to the loving relationship again....

About a year ago, we decided to take in foster children (this has always been a dream of mine) and started the process of getting licensed. I then heard about a 10 year old girl who was the child of an aquaintance, who was about to be put into foster care, I was asked if we could help and without consulting DH, I assumed that since we had started the foster care process, it would be ok, so I said yes. Shortly after she came to live with us, DH was laid off and out of work for the summer.

He was/is a good foster dad (we have no kids of our own) and we were all doing well. Then, this past fall, he started working again, and right away I saw a huge change in him. He was getting angry over stupid things again, and suddenly blaming me for bringing our "foster" daughter into our home. He was angry when I didn't have his supper ready on time and stormed off to bed with company there, while his favorite meal was cooking in the oven.

All sorts of things, things that have never bothered him before, are making him upset and I don't know how to handle this....money is tight, but it has been before and he has not been like this....at first I tried to tell myself that he was having a bad day or he was just stressed about going back to work, but it's been months now, and he's just mad every day about something....I can tell when he walks in the door if he's in a good mood or not, and since New Years, there has probably been one time where he was actually HAPPY.

I have been backing off, I find it very hard to be a loving wife to someone who is suddenly demanding, blaming, and crabby all the time...

He talked to his physician, who suggested he might be bipolar.

So he talked to a psychiatrist who said to get rid of our foster daughter.

But I am not convinced that she is the root of the problems because things were going very smoothly while he wasn't working....and it could be that maybe I react more to his anger than a normal person would, because my former husband was always yelling at me for something, so I always wonder how much of this is the way I am dealing with things....?

Someone please help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: kirbmom
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 12:43pm
If he only vented to the psychiatrist about his issues with foster daughter, then the psychiatrist only got a small pic of what's really happening in your home. I suggest either he go back to the psychiatrist with you so the psychiatrist can get a better view of the situation or go back to the physician and adjust the medication or get new meds.


Carrie