angry husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
angry husband
2
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 8:24pm
I was married about 11/2yrs ago,my husband became very controlling and angry.He was an abused child and was kicked out at 15 by his father. He lived on the streets and went from house to house. I met him about 8 years ago at work,we started talking and fell in love and got married in 2002.

We now fight all the time, he blames me for everyhing and I can't seem to do anything right. I have a 13 yr old daughter from a prior relationships that see's the way he treats me. He was on medication and decided it wasn't working and stopped all by himself,.the medicine was for depression. He decided he wanted to go back to counseling but I am not sure what to do at this point. He is very verbaly abusive and I hate to even see him come home because I am not sure what mood he is going to be in. I am at a lost here, I need some advise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
In reply to: honey65
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 9:16pm
I am sorry for all of your pain. You don't deserve this abuse your Husband is giving you. He really needs to get into counseling. He has a lot of emotional problems that he needs to deal with, and he should'nt be taking it out on YOU. I'm sure it must be very hard for him to deal with his past. He had a tough childhood, and needs to get professional help, or his destructive ways will destroy him, and he will destroy YOU, and lose you and your Child.

He needs to get help NOW, because he is damaging YOU in the process. He needs to channel all of this "negativity" from his past away from himself and you. I hope he gets the help he desperately needs. I don't think taking "pills" is the answer to his problems. The best way to deal with problems, is to face them -- "head on". And find a solution, and get rid of that problem, for good.

I hope that I've shed some light on this matter. I know what it is like to live through childhood trauma. You can grow into a happy, well-adjusted adult, and live a fulfilling life!

I wish you the very best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: honey65
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 4:06am

oh honey i am so sorry for this but PLEASE get yourself and your child to someplace safe. yes of course HE needs counseling but he won't get it ('because nothing is wrong with him'), and your life will get only worse, never better. and he will continue to justify his actions ("he had a rough childhood") and he even has you agreeing with him (part of a co-dependency cycle).


its sad, but sometimes there is really nothing that WE can do to help a spouse. (i know, because i have been in the same kind of situation). and this will go on and on, and you will eventually begin to believe your husband, and in about 3 or 4 years your daughter will either be pregant or on drugs or with an abusive BF.


you can't help him if he won't get help. you can help yourself and your daughter.


i am giving you some other boards here, and hopefully you can get more specific advice there:


surviving divorce: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlsmartdivor


dealing with domestic abuse: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rldomesting